Thursday, March 17, 2011

Fuck Me, I'm Irish! Well, I'm Drunk. Same Thing.

"You wanna put your WHAT in my
mouth?! 
Because "St. Patrick
was the patron saint of fellatio?" Well, if you're sure..."

"Airlines are now considering charging for reclining seats. Also, your scrotum is now considered a carry-on bag."


~ Stephen Colbert

Well, I always say, if you can't offend an entire nationality with one blog post title, you aren't worth your weight in green beer, shamrocks and vomit.


With that in mind, I would like to apologize to all of my Irish readers, for shamelessly capitalizing on this demeaning stereotype.




"God, my boobs look big in this top."


I've been missing in action from Bloggerland for almost a whole week now. I suppose I could explain myself, but I didn't actually have time to come up with a juicy story. So, you know. Piss off. Heh heh. How bout instead, you just use your dirty imaginations to conjure up a tawdry pornographic scenario? Then find a way to make it three times dirtier, throw in a pants-less Henry Rollins and an inflatable goat, and we'll just say that that's where I've been for the past week.

"Oh, snap...my boobs look even bigger
when I'm all pensive and thoughtful."

Anyway, as you can see, I have not returned empty handed - I have finally brought you updated pictures of my tattoos, as requested. (The fact that my boobs and my make-up also look phenomenal in these pics is entirely coincidental. So again, you know...piss off. Haha!)

"Oh Christ, I've left the iron on."

Last night, I headed down to the Marquee Room in downtown Calgary to watch two awesome bands, The Deadmen and The Suppliers, at a fundraising gig for the local techie college. Both bands played wikked sets, but the best part of the night was when the bass player from The Deadmen did this:

Ally-up!

Now ride that bass! Yeah. Slap it. It's
a naughty bass. No wait, I mean, I'M a
naughty bass! Slap ME.


Yeah, that's him standing on his bass, while continuing to play. Isn't that fucking wild? It was so awesome, I almost threw my panties onto the stage, right then and there. Except they were too hard to remove without first taking off my jeans, and besides that, I wasn't wearing any. But if I had been, that bass player would have been eating them. I mean, how does he keep playing?!?! That's fucking amazing. I can barely walk and chew gum at the same time.

T'was a grand night, all in all.

And today, as I am sure you are all aware, is St. Patrick's Day. Once again, there is a Stephen Lynch song for that (there's a Stephen Lynch song for being a Nazi, for Christ's sake). I leave you now with this beautiful Irish hymn to share with your family, and also, a subtle reminder that tomorrow is an important day too - your favorite leprechaun and mine, Sugar Free, is celebrating her 18th birthday! Drop by and say hello!

Oh, and if you can swing it, she really wants a pony, too.

26 comments:

  1. We're not always drunk, good post and great tits from a genuine unoffended republican Irishman.

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  2. We need a patron saint for fellatio. If Patty won't do it we need to find another saint who will.

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  3. Hilarious, gorgeous, AND tattooed?

    You're a fuckin' triple threat!

    As for the bass player, I probably would have just thrown my jeans at him. Always had a thing for bassists, always will.

    hed

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  4. Instead of an inflatable goat, use a real one next time. I hear they're all the rage. Or something. I'm not into goats, so take the advice for what you will ;)

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  5. Damn it sounds like you had a great damn time.

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  6. Oh my beautiful Kagey! Aren't you just a dollface. If someone gets me a pony you'll simply have to come to Seattle and get drunk with me and ride it around. Oh I can just see the photos now!!! *MUAH* Love ya!!!

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  7. Happy St. Paddy's day to ya!

    Great pictures. Have some fun in Calgary for me will ya?

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  8. the second photo on pin-up is frieda pinto from slumdog millionaire. she's so beautiful!

    nice post gorgeous xx

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  9. Did you turn the iron off? Or use it on something else?

    Did you ever see anyone make grill cheese with an iron?

    I am distracted about the iron.

    I guess you noticed

    anyways....off to listen to some Iron Maiden

    you look fabulous


    that is all

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  10. Lookin' good, Kage!

    And hell yeah! Bass players are such a cool species. In the summers I work at this little place by a lake with live music Sunday afternoons, and there was this insanely cool bassplayer who did exactly the same thing! His bass was all gaffa'd (duck taped), it was an aaaaaaaaawesome show! :D

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  11. I'm not Irish, but I can drink like I'm Irish, and I find that that counts for something.

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  12. I would have played that bass with my toes...and then scratched your back with them if you asked me nicely.

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  13. Oh yeah...that day again. I'm as Irish as a Chinaman.
    On other matters though, as Lux Interior once sang 'you've got gooood taste'
    I like your work, like your tatts and like your attitude.
    Madam, you have created an instant follower with easy to assemble instructions....

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  14. Um... so yeah, your post title is the best of the day. Awesome!

    Also, I thought you might enjoy this succinct write-up on St. Paddy's Day.

    Good site, too.

    http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2008/03/16/89-saint-patricks-day/

    Caleb

    Drink an extra few for me!!

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  15. You look AMAZING Kage! Ur a punk-rock Wonder Woman! (mouth agape)

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  16. Hate when you post pics, 'cause then I don't read, I just stare.

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  17. You. Are. Smoking. Hot. Sorry---had to be said.
    Now onto bass players-I find that you have to be a special kind of ugly to not attract women when you are a talented musician. You can be SO not my type and I'd still go home with you if you can sing/play your instrument well. It's just raw and oh so steamy hot. I'm getting all worked up just thinking about it!!!

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  18. just like when i *read* playboy...

    there were words?

    the pics told the story...

    and the story was hot!

    like an iron...

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  19. I wish my wife reacted like that when I play bass or guitar. Usually she just says shut up.

    I think your boobs look the same whether you're pensive or not. My bobs, however, TOTALLY look bigger when I'm all pensive and thoughtful.

    In my juicy story Rollins still has his pants on, and he is getting the band back together (original Rollins Band, not that more recent version) and recording something as mind blowing as the End of Silence just for me.

    Oh and he has asked me to join the band.

    Where are you during this fantasy you ask? I don't know, geez, why is it always about you, Kage?

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  20. Oh, there were tattoos you say? I hadn't noticed, your pensive boobs were kind of distracting.

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  21. For a moment there I was going to be very disappointed when you were talking about removing your panties.... I just don't picture you among the panty wearing club. Thanks for not disappointing me.

    And the ink is beautiful! I drooled over the boobage too. Infact, I'm going back to have another lookieloo :O)

    You are beautiful

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  22. I might be wrong, but wasn't the dildo an Irish invention?

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  23. lol you're crazy and funny :p

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  24. Hey make fun of the irish all you want. Half the stufff you say is true why should we get mad? I laugh at half the stuff and yes i was brought up on Guiness and Bailey's. Have fun "I'm following you."

    www.catiesglory.blogspot.com

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