Friday, March 11, 2011

Charlie Sheen Rode Me ALL NIGHT LONG

"Come here often?"

"It's only called 'Terrorism' if you kill American civilians. If you kill British civilians, I believe it's called 'Bangers and Mash'."


~ Stephen Colbert

Sorry, did I say ‘rode’? I meant ‘wrote’. Charlie Sheen ‘wrote’ me all night long, about the LAPD being in his goddamn house.

See, I joined this brand new social network yesterday. It’s so new that you probably haven’t even heard of it yet - I know I hadn’t - but it allows you to get, amongst other things, a blow-by-blow commentary from your favorite celebrity train wrecks, like Charlie Sheen.

And I LOVES me a train wreck. Especially when it’s not ME.

The real reason I joined this network was because I found out that Stephen Colbert is on it. Say no more! I thought gleefully, and signed right up. But then Stephen mentioned Charlie Sheen’s 2 million followers, and to my shame and regret, my curiosity got the better of me, and I went there, too.

And now Charlie Sheen keeps me up all night long! At least Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart have the decency to stop writing me during the midnight hours. But not Mr. Sheen, no - high on Mr. Sheen Juice and Tiger’s Blood, ol' Chuck has something to say 24 hours a day. It’s exhausting trying to keep up with him.

It did lead to one interesting video, though even I can admit that he’s going to have to come up with some new crazy soon. The world is already losing interest.

What was the name of the new social network I joined, you ask? I don’t remember, I think it was called  Twitter or something.




27 comments:

  1. oh my goodness--seriously...winning recipes! I am going to wet my pants at his comments. "I just teleported myself. I just did it again."
    "This is not a bowl, it's a cauldron of awesomeness." "I living the life of a rockstar vatican assasin." "the spirits of my Adonis ancestors can fly above me and breathe fire onto the meal." Oh My Word! THANK YOU for sharing this.

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  2. Awesome. I wish I was Charlie Sheen without the insane tick.

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  3. My guess is that you're the only woman Charlie keeps up all night long. After all the whoring he's done, his tube of toothpaste must be totally squeezed out. What would you do if Charlie started following YOU on Twitter?

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  4. That made me think of the time Sheen was on SNL for an Iron Chef skit. It was hilarious. I can't find it on the interwebs. Boo.

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  5. wow

    this gives me a headache, I don't know if I should pity him or hide from him or cry for his kids.

    Love Stephen Colbert

    BANGERS AND MASH

    heeee

    Kage your blog always entertains me!!

    that is all

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  6. I try to stay away from these newfangled social networking sites. The kids like to do the Twitter. The Facebooks. The Myspace.

    Not me.

    I remember the SNL Sugar Free was talking about. Sadly, SNL still thinks Youtube is the devil, so you can't find most of their clips online.

    Fortunately, Charlie's running around doing his... reality comedy(?) day-in and day-out.

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  7. I watched this clip yesterday, and snorted out loud when he smashes the plate and says "duh, winning!"

    I'm so far behind on my blogs and writing, so forgive me tonight for not having something funnier to say. It's so not like me! :)

    hed

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  8. Kage, you are the kind of woman that would make old CS drool and pee his pants at the same time.

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  9. So, are you bi-winning yet?

    I got bored of Twitter a while ago. Here on Blogspot I'm not confined to 140 characters or less. Just another case of the man trying to keep me down.

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  10. I don't know who Stephen Colbert is, so please can you post a picture so that I can check out whether I should assign some 'dream time' to him.

    But hey gal, you made me laugh with the Charlie Sheen thing. He twitters all night? Fuck off! So tell me, is he worth following or not?

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  11. It's hard not to like anybody who is willing to poke fun of themselves like this.

    Viva La Sheen!

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  12. He needs a creative team to help him come up with crazy s*** to say before he runs out. Either that or hit the pipe again.

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  13. Big brother is definitely watching, his name is Twitter. And Facebook.

    I can't wait until there's an iPhone app that reads my thoughts and sends them via text to everyone on the planet.

    Winning.

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  14. I totally could've used such entertainment the other night when I was awake from 130am to about 5am.... NO ONE is up during that time. GOD it was boring!

    On the upside I won a Charlie Sheen tshirt that says Tiger Blood on it. I'll be sure to send pics when I get it. You can be jealous if you want to.

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  15. Charlie sheen should take a lesson from Susan powter – stop the insanity.

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  16. BTW...made you blog of the day.

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  17. The twitter? What the hell is that? Charlie Sheen has been in on it? Oh God. Is it like the clap? Should I get checked?

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  18. "Love me a trainwreck, especially when it's not me."

    Love that!

    Hopped over from Not Worth Mentioning and now following.

    Cheers!

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  19. Jewels,
    i know, it's fucking awesome, right?

    Mike,
    there's a charlie sheen without the insane tick?

    Oilfield Daddy,
    yeah, i thought you would like that one.

    GB,
    well, the first thing i'd do is hide all my cocaine.

    Sugar Free,
    that is boo, i've never seen it :(

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  20. Rafa,
    tee hee! agreed.

    PBJ,
    stephen colbert rules! and i feel as conflicted as youdo about charlie...

    Katy,
    yeah, i avoided them for this long, but then i just couldn't resist the opportunity to pretend that stephen colbert was texting me several times a day.

    Hed,
    we've missed you, boo. glad you're back :)

    Venom,
    tee hee! STOP

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  21. Beer4Shower,
    bi-winning is the name of my next dvd special, actually...would you like to pre-order a copy?

    Lady M,
    look to the right of the comments column. see the guy in a suit, sewing the american flag? that's stephen colbert. he's also the guy giving the thumbs up on the cover of rolling stone, a bit further down. he is SO DEFINITELY worth some allocated dream time!

    but following charlie sheen on twitter wasn't as much fun as i thought it was going to be. i was hoping for more crazy.

    Ed,
    i know, right? his past few videos have sucked cuz he was kinda being a dick, but this one makes you like him all over again.

    Christopher Allen,
    agreed. it's getting old already. a dangerous, life threatening, 36 hour bender is exactly what is needed to spice things up again.

    haha! we're a fickle bunch, his adoring fans...

    Kevie,
    if there were such an app, all mine would ever broadcast would be images of henry rollins and 1979 jello biafra, fighting pants-less over who gets to ravage me first.

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  22. Daffs,
    you have got to stop partying all night with charlie sheen, woman! or you'll never get any sleep.

    and i AM jealous of the shirt. lol

    Copyboy,
    i can't quite remember who susan powter is, because i am so young and pretty.

    and thank-you for making me blog of the day! :)

    Haven,
    haha! gross. i hope it's not like the clap, i named my macbook mr. rollins, and now i've given him the clap?! nooooooooooooo!

    Major Mack,
    thank-you :)

    Lana,
    popped over to your blog and i really enjoyed myself over there. i'm following you now, too :)

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  23. you're funny. i love funny people. :)

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  24. Id,
    you're funny too, i like your blog.

    duh! following ;)

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