 |
| "You wanna put your WHAT in my mouth?! Because "St. Patrick was the patron saint of fellatio?" Well, if you're sure..." |
"Airlines are now considering charging for reclining seats. Also, your scrotum is now considered a carry-on bag."
~ Stephen Colbert
Well, I always say, if you can't offend an entire nationality with one blog post title, you aren't worth your weight in green beer, shamrocks and vomit.
With that in mind, I would like to apologize to all of my Irish readers, for shamelessly capitalizing on this demeaning stereotype.
 |
| "God, my boobs look big in this top." |
I've been missing in action from Bloggerland for almost a whole week now. I suppose I could explain myself, but I didn't actually have time to come up with a juicy story. So, you know. Piss off. Heh heh. How bout instead, you just use your dirty imaginations to conjure up a tawdry pornographic scenario? Then find a way to make it three times dirtier, throw in a pants-less Henry Rollins and an inflatable goat, and we'll just say that that's where I've been for the past week.
 |
| "Oh, snap...my boobs look even bigger when I'm all pensive and thoughtful." |
Anyway, as you can see, I have not returned empty handed - I have finally brought you updated pictures of my tattoos, as requested. (The fact that my boobs and my make-up also look phenomenal in these pics is entirely coincidental. So again, you know...piss off. Haha!)
 |
| "Oh Christ, I've left the iron on." |
Last night, I headed down to the Marquee Room in downtown Calgary to watch two awesome bands, The Deadmen and The Suppliers, at a fundraising gig for the local techie college. Both bands played wikked sets, but the best part of the night was when the bass player from The Deadmen did this:
 |
| Ally-up! |
 |
| Now ride that bass! Yeah. Slap it. It's a naughty bass. No wait, I mean, I'M a naughty bass! Slap ME. |
Yeah, that's him standing on his bass, while continuing to play. Isn't that fucking wild? It was so awesome, I almost threw my panties onto the stage, right then and there. Except they were too hard to remove without first taking off my jeans, and besides that, I wasn't wearing any. But if I had been, that bass player would have been eating them. I mean, how does he keep playing?!?! That's fucking amazing. I can barely walk and chew gum at the same time.
T'was a grand night, all in all.
And today, as I am sure you are all aware, is St. Patrick's Day. Once again, there is a Stephen Lynch song for that (there's a Stephen Lynch song for being a Nazi, for Christ's sake). I leave you now with this beautiful Irish hymn to share with your family, and also, a subtle reminder that tomorrow is an important day too - your favorite leprechaun and mine, Sugar Free, is celebrating her 18th birthday! Drop by and say hello!
Oh, and if you can swing it, she really wants a pony, too.
