Sunday, January 1, 2012

Disposable Teens

Yay! School!

I'm a black rainbow, and I'm an ape of god
I've got a face that's made for violence upon it
I'm a teen distortion, survived abortion
A rebel from the waist down

I wanna thank you Mom, I wanna thank you Dad
For bringing this fucking world to a bitter end
I never hated your one true god
But the god of the people I hated

~ Marilyn Manson

Argh! My Teenaged Fan Club took it up a notch on Saturday. The little fuckers.

At the sound of the door chiming, I came out of the office that stands behind the front counter and discovered the three of them waiting at my desk. “Good morning, boys,” I said pleasantly.

“Good morning,” they said in unison.

“What can I do for you today?” I said when they didn’t offer anything else.

“I am here for my TAAAAAttoo,” said the tallest one.

“Oh right,” I nodded uber-professionally. “You were going to bring me $1,500 today. Or was it Euros?”

“Ah, yes,” he nodded too. “My bank card wasn’t working this morning. Ah ha, ha.”

“That’s too bad,” I commiserated. “Well, maybe tomorrow.”

They picked up some tattoo magazines and started humming and haaing over the pictures inside. “Yes, I like this one,” the shorter black kid said as he leafed through the pages of gorgeous tattooed girls. “And this one. And this one.”

They came across a page that showed twelve monthly covers of the magazine, all of which were girls in bikinis showing off their tattoos.

Their eyes bulged. “Is that you?” the muslim kid asked, pointing to a busty blond.

“No,” I shook my head.

“This one?” Another big boobed, tattooed girl.


“She’s that one,” the tall kid said, and pointed to a topless girl with black hair, covering her enormous boobs with her hands.

“Yeah, that’s me,” I snorted. “Anyway, guys, it’s always nice to see you, but I gotta get back to work.” And I motioned towards the door.

“Can I have a hug?” the shorter black kid asked.

The other two looked up expectantly. “Me too!”

“No, you cannot have a hug,” I said, exasperated.

“Why not?” Muslim kid asked.

“Because I can’t go around hugging teenaged boys,” I said. “I’ll get in trouble.”

“Okay, can I have a handshake, then?” Shorty asked me and held out his hand.

I moved out from behind the desk. “Yes, you can have a handshake,” I said and reached out to meet his outstretched hand.

As soon as my hand met his, he pulled me towards him, then threw his arms around me in a hug. I squeaked in protest and tried to pull away but then the other two stepped up and threw their arms around me too. The Muslim kid even had the bloody cheek to rest his head on my chest, right in my cleavage.

Eventually they let me go. I scurried back behind the desk and pointed to the door. “GoodBYE, boys,” I said.

They were busy giggling and high fiving each other. “Bye, Tattoo Girl,” they sang and pushed each other through the door.

I turned around to find my manager there, grinning at me. “There’s only so much of that that’s gonna happen,” she said pointedly.

“I know,” I said sheepishly, and she walked into the office again.

I heard a knocking and looked up. My Teenaged Fan Club was waving to me through the glass door.

I rolled my eyes and followed my manager back into the office in shamed silence.

The cheeky little fuckers. I can't believe they got me.



  1. I need fans like this.

    But I'm not hot.

    Or tattoo'd.

    Or female.

  2. Yup! You're definitely good with teenage boys.

  3. Ugh, you got hug raped. I recommend a tazer, verrry effective at close range.

  4. Hah, you fell for the old pull-and-nuzzle! They must have learned that trick from a chimpanzee! I would have patiently made the case for putting my head between your boobs rather than pulling a cheap stunt like that. Persuasion is better than force - you get a longer hug and the boobs feel softer.

  5. Aw... That's so cute. Group hug!


    How 'bout a handshake then?

  6. It's kind of cute and it doesn't seem to bother you that much but I don't think I'd be able to deal with that stuff. I'd be too tempted to pull out the tattoo gun anyway and just go crazy.

  7. you've been very patient with them and they also sound like a bunch of harmless kids who have a huge crush on you.

  8. I may have to stop by for a hug. The teenage boy getting in trouble rule wouldn't apply to me. Happy new year Kage.

  9. Ah. The Muslim boy got cheekboob. He's gonna be the hero of his little turd friends for a while.

  10. Awww that's kinda case is still pending a county court decision so i cant really say anything else...otherwise they will make me go to that place and take those drugs....again.
    on a brighter side welcome to 2012...

  11. You know that hug will live in those boy's fantasy life for much longer that you would think right?? Consider it your charity work for the week and be glad they didn't get any braver! I would come hug you too ya know??? You're awesome!!

  12. You totally made it into their spank bank...aren't you proud!? haha...little shits.


    lots of love.

  14. Lost In Idaho,
    that's okay, I'll be in your fan club.

    Middle Child,
    everyone has a god given talent ;)

    omigod I would LOOOVE a taser.

  15. GB,
    you wouldn't need to persuade me, you're already in there.

    a handshake? sure...HEY!

    i can't believe I fell for that again.

    yeah, I don't really care all that much. but it sure would be fun to watch you go nuts with a tattoo gun.

  16. Jaya,
    yeah, if I'm honest I actually kind of like the little buggers.

    Not The Hero,
    I work everyday but wed & thurs...

    yeah, he was a brave warrior lol

  17. Danny,
    um...wha? you lost me, darling.

    yay! I would love a hug ;)

    haha! gross.

  18. Paulie,
    haha! so hot. want to touch the heiny ;)

  19. Ya know Kiddo... Apart from bit of puppy love have you started tattooing yet? I still need work done. When you are ready let me know and you can ink me.

  20. Well, u gotta give them credit. they had guts, thus glory.

  21. You celebrities have to remember that without the fans, you have to go back to working for a living. Oh wait, that's what you do already. Well, watch out for the paparazzi anyway.


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