"Maybe he doesn't WANT his penis licked," The Princess Exclaimed.

"Where. The. FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?"

I haven’t touched Henry Rollins in over a week. A WEEK.

I couldn’t wait to grab a hold of him this morning when we were reunited, but I was in for a surprise. He refused to look at me! He just sat there, turned away from me and motionless, looking lost, lonely, and more than a little pissed.

I ran to him and cradled him in my arms.

“Mr. Rollins!” I exclaimed, feeling his rough body under my hands. I pulled away in shock and took a good look at him.

Oh, crap.

I stroked his majestic form guiltily. “My goodness, you’re so dirty! You’re a dirty, dirty boy, Henry.”

Still he said nothing, still refusing to look at me.

“Aw, baby, I’m sorry,” I cried, cramming him into my cleavage and rocking him back and forth. “I was only gone a week. I can fix this. I can fix this! Just hang in there.”

I left him on the bed for a moment and ran to grab a wet wipe, then wiped it vigorously across Henry's screen. Finally, I could  see my blog slowly beginning to appear in full color. “Ah, there it is,” I sighed happily. “Thank-you, Mr. Rollins.”

Seriously. SERIOUSLY. How does a MacBook get THAT FUCKING DIRTY when you don’t even open it for a week?

Anyhoo, Billy and I headed out of town last Sunday to spend the week with Canada's Pierced Princess, Devonna Vain, and her pooch, Dude. Devonna and I thought it would be so cute for the two dogs to play and get to know each other over the week.

Ooooooooooooooooooh, Christ. We had no idea what we were starting.

The initial introduction was not good, though I suppose it could have been a lot worse. Billy watched Dude’s every movement, showing the whites (well, redish whites) of his eyes, and would spaz every time Dude even looked in his direction. And if Dude even tried to come near Mummy, aka moi, Billy suddenly turned into the dog from Cujo and rained a shit storm of barks and nips upon the younger dog.

“Billy!” I would chastise, to no effect. “Don’t do that! It’s mean.”

And it was kinda mean. But let me tell you, it was better than what was to come.

 Once on familiar terms, Dude decided to initiate Billy into his doggy club by shoving his head between his legs and getting straight to business.

"Dude!" Devonna exclaimed, and yanked his head out from Billy's nether regions. "Maybe he doesn't want his penis licked."

Hmmmm. I'm not so sure.

After the initial frostiness, things really warmed up. I mean really warmed up. By Wednesday, Devonna and I realized that there was no point in denying it - these two morons were deeply in love. We were going to have to come up with an impromptu Vegas wedding, and fast. Billy and Dude couldn’t wait to consummate their relationship. Or at least, one of them couldn't (I'm looking at you, William).

 But isn't that always the way.

What’s that?

 Oh. Yes, they are both boys.

Quit judging, you homophobe!

Anyway, to start your week off right, here is a video of homoerotic young love, done doggy style.

Pis.s. I got a couple of awards from two fabulous bloggers, Ckrets Galore and Stephanie C, which I promise I will write about next time.

In the meantime, go check 'em out, after you watch my dog fall in love.