Monday, April 18, 2011

"Maybe he doesn't WANT his penis licked," The Princess Exclaimed.

"Where. The. FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?"

I haven’t touched Henry Rollins in over a week. A WEEK.

I couldn’t wait to grab a hold of him this morning when we were reunited, but I was in for a surprise. He refused to look at me! He just sat there, turned away from me and motionless, looking lost, lonely, and more than a little pissed.

I ran to him and cradled him in my arms.

“Mr. Rollins!” I exclaimed, feeling his rough body under my hands. I pulled away in shock and took a good look at him.

Oh, crap.

I stroked his majestic form guiltily. “My goodness, you’re so dirty! You’re a dirty, dirty boy, Henry.”

Still he said nothing, still refusing to look at me.

“Aw, baby, I’m sorry,” I cried, cramming him into my cleavage and rocking him back and forth. “I was only gone a week. I can fix this. I can fix this! Just hang in there.”

I left him on the bed for a moment and ran to grab a wet wipe, then wiped it vigorously across Henry's screen. Finally, I could  see my blog slowly beginning to appear in full color. “Ah, there it is,” I sighed happily. “Thank-you, Mr. Rollins.”

Seriously. SERIOUSLY. How does a MacBook get THAT FUCKING DIRTY when you don’t even open it for a week?

Anyhoo, Billy and I headed out of town last Sunday to spend the week with Canada's Pierced Princess, Devonna Vain, and her pooch, Dude. Devonna and I thought it would be so cute for the two dogs to play and get to know each other over the week.

Ooooooooooooooooooh, Christ. We had no idea what we were starting.

The initial introduction was not good, though I suppose it could have been a lot worse. Billy watched Dude’s every movement, showing the whites (well, redish whites) of his eyes, and would spaz every time Dude even looked in his direction. And if Dude even tried to come near Mummy, aka moi, Billy suddenly turned into the dog from Cujo and rained a shit storm of barks and nips upon the younger dog.

“Billy!” I would chastise, to no effect. “Don’t do that! It’s mean.”

And it was kinda mean. But let me tell you, it was better than what was to come.

 Once on familiar terms, Dude decided to initiate Billy into his doggy club by shoving his head between his legs and getting straight to business.

"Dude!" Devonna exclaimed, and yanked his head out from Billy's nether regions. "Maybe he doesn't want his penis licked."

Hmmmm. I'm not so sure.

After the initial frostiness, things really warmed up. I mean really warmed up. By Wednesday, Devonna and I realized that there was no point in denying it - these two morons were deeply in love. We were going to have to come up with an impromptu Vegas wedding, and fast. Billy and Dude couldn’t wait to consummate their relationship. Or at least, one of them couldn't (I'm looking at you, William).

 But isn't that always the way.

What’s that?

 Oh. Yes, they are both boys.

Quit judging, you homophobe!

Anyway, to start your week off right, here is a video of homoerotic young love, done doggy style.

Pis.s. I got a couple of awards from two fabulous bloggers, Ckrets Galore and Stephanie C, which I promise I will write about next time.

In the meantime, go check 'em out, after you watch my dog fall in love.

video

21 comments:

  1. What video?, good story, love is love.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I knew Henry either needed a wet wipe, or new batteries, glad that was cleared up. Doggy love is sweet.

    ReplyDelete
  3. a week without kage is like several months in real time, glad you're back funny girl, i needed my fix. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Welcome back chickadee!

    Thanks for doggie boy love there. hahahah

    ReplyDelete
  5. Your dog isn't gay, he just needs to get laid badly. Did you know there's a website of dogs humping women? I'm not going to give you the URL because that's not the point. The point is that dogs will hump anything when they're horny.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Welcome back...missed you! Glad to see you got a kick out of their doggie lust. I always feel I should look away when dogs hump...it feels so voyeristic. haha.

    ReplyDelete
  7. it is all about the dominance...i tells ya! dominance..

    and doggy style!

    love me some doggy style!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I'm with Jewels on this one, privacy please!

    ReplyDelete
  9. My girl dog humps my boy dog to assert dominance. Half of me wants to tell her she's not really doing anything, the other half wonders if she had a strap on, if she'd do some real damage.

    Do they make dog strap ons?

    Ah, I've just asked a question I don't want answered.

    ReplyDelete
  10. You think your computer was dirty?

    I've been waiting for you for a week! My hair looks like Kurt Cobain's!

    hed

    ReplyDelete
  11. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN! Bad Kage! Ok you are forgiven but only because of the dogs humping video. LMAO in all seriousness though we missed you. Glad your back :)

    www.catiesglory.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  12. It's all about the humping isn't it? well I spose it is hehe.
    Nice to see you have popped out, I meant up, I meant returned to grace us with your witty repartee and droll humourous asides.
    Oh btw and this is wrong but I saw a little doggie trying to hump a child in a pram a few days ago. His little pink pencil was going in for the attack until Mum noticed (finally), whereupon she sideswiped the poor pooch with her hefty Bvlgari and let forth a stream of obscenities that I cannot repeat here as they even disturbed me.

    ReplyDelete
  13. ha!

    No Humping heee

    Dogs don't listen do they?

    that is all

    ReplyDelete
  14. Well it's about fucking time young lady!!! Do you know how you've made me worry??? Leave a goddamn note or something next time you go away. Fuck.

    Ok, ok. I'm calm now. But I did miss you! And we don't call it "humping" in our house. No, when Murphy takes a shine to another pooch, we call it "dancing".

    Welcome back, dah-ling.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I'm lucky. My little pup Jinx tries to kill anything that humps her.

    That's my girl ;)

    ReplyDelete
  16. Dudes gotta do what dudes gotta do. Hey, congrats on the well deserved awards. Is Henry Happy?

    ReplyDelete
  17. I know all about dirty computers. My laptop is white. It's a mother to keep it clean whether I use it or not.

    ReplyDelete
  18. oh. my. god. for the first half of this post i thought henry rollins was your name for your vibrator. FUCKING FUNNY.

    'I haven’t touched Henry Rollins in over a week. A WEEK.'
    'I couldn’t wait to grab a hold of him this morning'
    'I ran to him and cradled him in my arms.'
    ' “Mr. Rollins!” I exclaimed, feeling his rough body under my hands.'
    'I stroked his majestic form guiltily. “My goodness, you’re so dirty! You’re a dirty, dirty boy, Henry.”'
    '“Aw, baby, I’m sorry,” I cried, cramming him into my cleavage and rocking him back and forth.'
    'I left him on the bed for a moment and ran to grab a wet wipe'

    wonderful.

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...