Thursday, March 24, 2011

Bitches Be Craaaaazy

Do NOT touch the last piece of pie.


So, continuing from yesterday's post, here's the story of my run in with the crazy girl.

It actually started on Tuesday, when my ex boyfriend, L, sent me a happy face by SMS. 

There was no text, no message. Just a happy face, just saying hi.

Shortly thereafter, I got this text from his girlfriend:

Fuck off u waste of skin!

Oh, here we go, I thought, rolling my eyes. The last time L had texted to say hi, which was about a month ago, Michele had texted me within the hour to tell me that my cat was dead, that she had shot it in the face because I wouldn't stop talking to L.

See what I mean about chicks being nuts?

"Stay away from my man, you whore!"

I had looked at my phone on Tuesday, with this ugly message printed on it's screen, and decided to leave it alone and not reply. I just couldn't be arsed.

Amazingly, I didn’t hear from her for the rest of the day. Hooray!

Yesterday, though, I woke up to find she had texted me yet again. And then again. And again. And again.

Eventually I decided to just reply, as it was becoming clear that she wasn't going to stop until I did. And that day, I discovered that wow - Michele is a real classy lady! Full of warmth, amiability and compassion, I can see now why she's so popular and sought after, and such a pleasure to be around.

What follows is our conversation from Tuesday afternoon, written out verbatim. It’s a little hard to read, as, despite her sweet, well-spoken and clearly educated nature, Michele's spelling and grammar skills could be run into the ground by a retarded four-year-old. But I've kept true to the original script, not changing a single word of it, so that you may enjoy our exchange in all it's authentic glory.



(I have to admit that I wasn't terribly kind or mature either in this interaction, and I am not proud of the fact that I sank to her level of sophomoric asininity. However, in my defense...um...SHE STARTED IT. lol. But seriously, I've tried to get along with her and she still just fucking hates me, I've tried ignoring her and she still just fucking hates me, and that day she just would not stop texting. So I decided that hey, just this once, I'm gonna act like an ignorant little shit, too.)

* (sp) means spelling mistake.

Michele: Hopeo (sp)  ur ready for u GOT coming u waste of skin food and everything..everyone says the samething(sp) ur a waste and ur poor mother has to live with it..I have told u more then (sp) once to Fuck off (have you? you should be more dramatic, i hadn't noticed)..even L says ur a fuckin mess who sure do ourselfs (sorry, who?) (sp) and parents a favor and take a whole bottle of pills (of oxies? no problem!). Ur mom will probably by(sp) them for u if u promise to take them all at one time (yeah, my mum's awesome like that, she always "bys" me stuff)...Bottom line Fuck off don’t contact L again or you will have big problems! Or(sp) and fyi...he told me to let u have it. tell u what We think of u. U have done nothing but use L (hey Michele, how's that free rent going for you and your kids? i hope it doesn't interfere with your smoking pot all day and not getting a job) and give him a bad rep (yes, he's a poor shrinking violet)...Lmao not one person says anything good about u besides or(sp) not here anymore (hey, that's what I say too! haha!)...so Fuck off and go...od(sp) ur self.

Kage: Ooooh, BURN. I see someone’s been thoroughly enjoying my blog! Don’t blame yourself, it’s a great read. Though it must have taken you a while to get through, with all those big words! Anyway, thanks for the laugh. Like I give a shit what you think? Hahahahahahahaha!

Michele: Blog don’t know what ur talking about L tells what a fuckin waste u r. Beth (L’s mum), Lee (L’s dad), roxy Eric all of Vulcan thinks ur a waste (oh no!)  this Beth calls u a slut

Kage: Hahaha! So?

Michele: Even big guy (big guy?!) says u should do the world a favor and kill urs (sp)...Aww cry him a river you little cunt u don’t get it you will very soon oh Dancer knows you have been sending Her Boyfriend pictures of ur self too(that's news to me. did i look good?)...Fuck ur stupid...Watch yourself...You have more trouble then u can handle coming ur way Lmao...Can’t wait to see what u look like after...hahahaha but you would not stop! (stop what?)...Call going to ur mom today too (oh, good. ask her to bring home some ice cream, would you? we're all out)...Calling him and cry makes it worse everytime for u!

Kage: Do I really need to point out that he’s the one who keeps calling me, sweetheart? (apparently I do.) Instead of trying to control L to make him love you, why don’t you just stop being such a cunt to him?

Michele: He has told me u tried today (sure did) already he feels the same way as me (no one feels the shit you do, hun)...Oh he loves me. does lots to show it i got no worries there (really? then what's this all about, then?)...u reck(sp) his life (yeah, he had nothing to do with it, he's certainly not a grown man who can make his own decisions) everyone is trying to help him fix the mess u made...but thanks. (you're welcome) No worries he is reading these texts right now. (yes, i'm sure he would totally condone this behavior. if he were five years old again.)

Kage: Really. Well, tell him I say hi. And again I will just point out that I didn’t contact him, he contacted me. So grow up and fuck off, and stop texting me. I don’t have time for your high school bull shit. Oh, and be sure to keep enjoying my blog ;)

Michele: No u call im (sp) him called missed calls and he calls u back...so u just Fuck off and everything will be all good. (mmmm...nah)

Kage: Is that what he tells you? lol

Michele: And ur a fine one to talk bout a way to treat him...coming home knocked up with someone eles kids (didn't happen, but whatever)...i would have made u kill it too (is that supposed to upset me? cuz i "love" kids so much? hahaha!)...No he shows me on his phone stupid

Kage: Hey, how are your dead babies, by the way? Anyway, again, I’m busy, so please fuck off.

(after 20 minutes with no contact)

Michele: Lol my babies r great dead babies no clue what ur talking bout...lol...so anyway again u Fuck off and everyone will be happy...enjoy ur day of barfing and standing in the bathroom crying bout what a waste u r. (hmmm. that does sound pretty fun)

Kage: Hahaha! Actually, I think I’ll spend the day being grateful I’m not a fucked up cunt like you ;)

Michele: That right im proud to ne(sp) a cunt and im the biggest Bitch one would ever meet after on my bad side...but i love myself and everything about me! (hahahahahaha! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. oh wait, you're serious?) To (sp) bad u can’t truly say the same about ut (sp) self  (well,  maybe one day, I can be as good a person as you...)...your number is blocked from our phones now text and calls.

Kage: So does that mean you’ll stop texting me? Hooray!

Ugh. I know. It's like an episode of Jersey Shore, isn't it? (One assumes). 

Like I said, I am not proud of my behavior, but she just wouldn't give up. Besides, Tuesday was kind of boring, I needed something to do anyway.

And with that, I would like to invite you one last time, Michele, to please fuck off and leave me alone. I'm not after your boyfriend, I don't give a shit about you, and this drama is better suited to an elementary school playground than real life.


33 comments:

  1. Wow. My brain hurts from trying to understand what the cum bucket was trying to say. Jesus! Listen-women are going to hate on you and be jealous if they are insecure and immature. There is no way she in confident about how her man feels about her if she's getting that bent out of shape. I'm sure a check into the call/text log would show he initiated but she's probably scared to look that far into...fearing that you are right.

    You are above her and the fact that you own up to your behavior being less than stellar proves it. She is certainly special. Hopefully the block on your number goes both ways and you have peace and quiet now.

    PS...that cunt punt made me spit out my water! bwahahaha loved it.

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  2. "All of Vulcan thinks ur a waste"

    FUCK SPOCK! FUCK HIM!

    (Totally funny in my head if you get the reference)

    hed

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wow she seems like a cunt. I guess she never did leave elementary school because her grammar sucks really bad.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm sorry, but I thoroughly enjoyed that. What a bummer that you won't be commnicating with this person anymore. batshit people are WAY entertaining!

    BTW, I train people where I work and one of the things I tell them on the first day is "If you learn two things from me, let them be this: 1. it's all bullshit and 2. Bitches be crazy". Well I used to say that until I was told to stop.

    ReplyDelete
  5. She sound like a nice little retard.

    ReplyDelete
  6. @ hed- LOL dammit jim im a doctor not a texter...

    i am aso happy i read your post of a transcript of an episode of cops...

    wait...what? that was a real person?

    fuck.

    wotta fucktard...

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  7. He calls out your name when he fucks her. It's the only explanation.

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  8. Christ I have a headache trying to read and decipher what she was saying, good grief what a load of arse gravy she spouts.

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  9. I have no idea if I'm supposed to find this funny or sad. Some people just don't know that it's all in their heads. The worst one I encountered was my ex's mom. She used to call me and threaten to divorce her husband if I didn't ...uh yeah well, I don't even remember what I was told to stop...I think it was something along the lines of existing, but I'm not too sure...

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  10. In my town, we have two locals: Up the hill and down the hill. I live up the hill. Up the hill is a grown, vibrant expanding and economically sound part of town.

    Down the hill everyone talks like her or worse.

    Sounds like your ex got himself a real down the hill winner ;)

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  11. Wow... Dude, how old is she? I've rarely read stuff that stupid. I'm horrified/impressed, don't really know what I feel most...

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  12. Wait stupid, crazy, AND she has kids?

    'L' must be a real winner to be locking that shit down, too bad you let him get away.

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  13. My fucking IQ just dropped like 20 points after reading her blabber. Why oh why must we share the earth with people like that?

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  14. Holy lapdancing kee-rist (sp)...I really need a good wash after reading all that verbal (well textual) venom. This one sounds like she fell out of the stupid tree and connected with every branch on the way down before landing.
    Lervvved (sp) your retort. I wish I had hired you as my scriptwriter a few years ago when I was at the arse end of a similar volley of vituperative vitriol.
    You go grrl!

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  15. Jewels,
    i know, isn't that cunt punt pic awful? i love it!

    Hed,
    i'd rather fuck captain kirk ;)

    Oilfield Daddy,
    yeah, it seems everything about her is elementary.

    Rafa,
    why am i not surprised that you liked that? lol

    i can totally picture what YOU were picturing

    Ed,
    agreed!

    Bruce,
    haha! that was pretty white trash, wasn't it?

    Id,
    oh yes, she's very popular.

    GB,
    it shames me to say it, but i quite like that explanation. good for my ego, crushing for hers...

    Angry Lurker,
    haha! arse gravy.

    My German Pickle,
    i think it's a bit of both, sad and funny. and it sounds like you've had some experience with crazy, too!

    Mike,
    you know what's weird, is that he's a really nice guy. i don't know how he ended up with someone like her.

    Charlotte,
    good to see you again! and i think her mental age is a good 25 years younger then her physical age...

    Kevie,
    tee hee! yeah, she's got it all, a real triple threat.

    PhD,
    you miss that calgary drama, don't ya? ;)

    Sugar Free,
    it makes me sleepy, trying to decipher what few actual words there are in each text.

    Dan,
    hear me roar:

    meow!

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  16. I believe someone is just a little immature!!! I think she needs to go back quite a few grades. It took a lot of effort to decipher those texts. She should be thankful you even made that effort. I hope she stops contacting you! Oh oh oh, if she threatens you again I would love to offer my field hockey stick ;) (or a call to the police but that sounds less fun).

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  17. "you know what's weird, is that he's a really nice guy. i don't know how he ended up with someone like her."

    ummm.. yeah. Let's cut the guy some slack, I'm sure he doesn't know what kind of woman he's dating cuz.. umm.. she is such a good actress.

    "Ended up...?" He hasn't made a life time commitment.. she just must fit the bill for what he needs right now. *grin*

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    Replies
    1. What makes you think that?

      Delete
  18. I can’t read them. I’m pretty lenient with grammatical errors in texts, but the words should at least be comprehensible. It would take a crack team of linguistic experts to decipher those messages.

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  19. I refuse to reply to anyone who txts me lik dis

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  20. Oh wow, what a winner.
    I'm glad I don't have cable I'll just read crazy bitch exploits instead!

    I've had to block numbers and contact the police before because of crazy bitches... hope it never comes to that for you. Chick best just get a life and stop being such a jealous drama queen.


    Glad you at least get a laugh at her expense.

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  21. I had the same problem with a chick named Kayla. It's not my fault he cheated on her, she seems like her and Michele would get along great.

    Keep laughing it's the only thing that keeps you sane with crack whore retards like her.

    www.catiesglory.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  22. Holy fuck balls Kage!

    I must admit I almost did not make it through that entire conversation. Is she borderline illiterate? No fucking hope for her children.

    People like her are a waste of skin and oxygen.

    PS I would have replied after an onslaught of those msgs as well.

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  23. Yeah man she certainly peppered her dialogue with evil. I personally think she's jealous for obvious reasons. ;)

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  24. inspiring. (the inspiration is to stay away from crazy chicks)

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  25. oh wow, are you sure this is not my ex husbands live in girlfriend??

    sounds a lot like her


    what a mess

    poor Kage, you might have to post all of her future texts so we can be entertained!!


    much love to you babe for having to deal with this!

    you could give me her cell number?

    we could all text her!!

    HA

    that is all

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  26. Ohhh fuuuuuuuuuuuuck. But dammit if it doesn't feel good to just be a gutter cunt right back sometimes, right?

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  27. Blimey Kage, she is a raging psychotic! WTF was that about? I think you remained remarkably cool given the onslaught. How old is she anyway? She texts like a teenage girl ;-)

    On the bright side - it provided some highly amusing blog fodder!

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  28. Isnt it all a bit "let he who is without crazy cast the first stone"?? I mean, her spelling sucks and shes a paranoid psycho - but you write nauseating sexual remarks about men you dont know, talk proudly of being a jerk to people you encounter in treatment for your bulimia, are a stripper living at home with your parents and generally seem ignorant about anything that isnt dead kennedys lyrics so...

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  29. Oh boboy you have stooped to an all time low.if only you all knew the aweful things our young friend kage had caused. This you girl the kage speaks of in this blogg. Tried to help kage many times. I know these people kage makes this and other stories up about.kage as long as I have known her I'm sorry, that's what you do try and mess peoples life's up. Mostly cause you are not happy with your self and Probly never will be. It's a sickness we know this . You cause hurt on people who love each other and you hurt kids and the familys. By popping pills and starting things in people's homes. But it is all ok so long a kage feels better and she knows she has cause a fight with out thinking of who all maybe getting hurt here. If kage had any respect for her self or for others so would not have posted some made up bs

    ReplyDelete

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