Saturday, February 19, 2011

Fight Song

"And I want a fire truck...and a new BMX bike...and mass genocide for
all the kids in my school who made fun of my eyes..."

I'm not a slave to a god
That doesn't exist
I'm not a slave to a world
That doesn't give a shit

~ Marilyn Manson

A mother's pride knows no bounds.

And since I have thoughtfully never damned the world by regurgitating a carbon copy of myself, I have somehow made my dogs and my blog (and to a lesser extent, my iPod) into my surrogate children, my only sources of matriarchal pride. Even if some of those things still occasionally poop on the bathroom carpet while I'm in the shower.

I'm not saying who.

Anyway, sometimes a mum wants to show off her offspring. Not so much because she is proud of each of her offspring as individual entities, but more as creations that she can take credit for.

That said, here is the Top Ten List of search terms that have brought people to my blog in the past few weeks, from a few different search engines. The pink writing is my initial reaction to each one.

#1. Sex Anywhere & Everywhere (yes, please) (
#2. Hyena Fucking (ummm...wha?) (hot google)
#3. Do Sociopaths Read Erotica? (no, we write stupid blogs about it) (
#4. Anorexia Sex (only when we're super skinny) (
#5. Shut The Fuck Up And Gimme Gimme Gimme (as the bishop said to the actress) (
#6. Teacher Student Affair Royal Winnipeg Ballet (he was 18, fuck off) (
#7. I Walked On Him In Stilettos (and he paid me for it!) (
#8. Neck Tattoos Sociopath (mmmmm) (
#9. Women Carry Fucks (only if it's Stephen Colbert dressed as Richard Branson) (
#10. Lip Sequins Stage Jew (da fuck???) (

There are some sick people out there. Thank god my blog is here to straighten them out.

Oh, wait.



  1. omg those are awesome!

    My number one search hit by far? "Unicorn poop". Pretty much sums up my entire blog.


  2. hyena fucking? that is fucking that like really coyote ugly?

    i mean, after that i could not think of any snappy comment.

    it simple poked out my minds eye...

  3. Yeah, I love looking at stats once in a while. People are AWESOME!! My top one this week was "celebrities who masturbate" followed by "fucking with a penile implant" and third was "how to get maximum penetration on your ass". I'm not kidding! Here I was thinking that people like reading my blog. They were just looking for porn! HAH!!!!

  4. nothing cracks me up more than the things people search for on the internet. I never understand half of what brings people to my blog but it never fails to make me laugh.

  5. Uhhh. Genius search terms - how do people even come up with that kind of shit?!
    Where do you see them? (how do I find mine? :D)
    Oh, and also, I actually am really lost on what I'm supposed to do with the award, I'm not used to that kind of awesomeness being thrown my way.

  6. Those are precious! I'm jealous. Best I can do is Elmo Rapist.

    I guess I'm just too wholesome.

  7. I don't remember what brought me here. But I Am here and like it.

  8. I didn't tell you? I initially came here to see hyena fucking... was sorely disappointed... but then figured what the hell, she's a good writer, I'll stick around...

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  10. The keyword searches that bring people to my page are fascinating and frightening.

    But hey: If it works… I’m sort of willing to type a blog featuring only the words “Sex with Illuminati dwarves” a hundred times in it.

  11. Don't forget "Sexiest and coolest blog out here." That ones gotta be one there.

  12. Hed,
    haha! unicorn poop. that's what first brought me to you, too ;)

    poked your what?

    why do you think i write this shit? lol

    i know, right? i understand the key words, like "sequins" or "sociopaths", but it's the phrases like "marine fuck a donkey" that make my nipples hard.

    i have much gossip to impart. i am coming to your blog to blab.

    mmmm, agreeed. elmo rapist is incredibly wholesome.

    by the way, i don't think i need you to babysit my kids anymore...

    Oilfield Daddy,
    bobbies brought you here, darling. boobies. same as everyone else.

    let it never be said that kage did not cave to public opinion!

    hyena fucking it is.

    how did you know i searched that?!?! so weird.

    mmmmmm. me too.

    only if you so decree ;) just don't let that ass darin see it, he'll shit all over it.

  13. These are genius terms indeed. Not happy about the stilettos. Hrmmph. BTW...made you blog of the day.


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