| "Omigod, you guys! For me? Cake AND Sodomy?|
Awwww, that's so sweet! Thank-you!"
I am the god of fuck
Virgins sold in quantity
Herded by heredity
Who said date rape is unkind?
White trash, get down on your knees
Time for cake and sodomy
~ Marilyn Manson
I wanted to write a quick post tonight, as I am off to the dentist again tomorrow morning, and I think we all remember what happened last time I was gonna “post something as soon as I get back from my dentist appointment."
I recently emailed another blogger named Charlotte, over at Procrastination Squared. We are new to following each other’s blogs, but she is funny and her writing makes me laugh. Anyway, she had asked me a question, so I pretended that I knew the answer, and sent her off an all-knowing, smarmy arsed email.
Check out what she titled her reply:
“Hey, Mrs. Rollins!”
Hahahahahahaha! FUCK YEAH!!!
So what I am to understand is that, basically, I am married to Henry Rollins in the eyes of EVERYONE in the ENTIRE WORLD.
Oh! Except for Henry Rollins, of course, but whatever. Tis but a mere hurdle.
Here then, quickly, is a gratuitous picture of my husband, Henry "MyPecsDanceOnlyForKage" Rollins, for you to enjoy during a private moment in a broom closet/ public transport vehicle/ Old Navy changing room later today:
|"Will you do absolutely whatever I tell you to do, |
without question, Kagie?"
And here’s a picture of me. (Not to be used as a sexual aid - you had your chance to fully drain your fluids during your forbidden tryst with Henry's picture in the photocopy room earlier.)
As you can see, I am assimilating nicely to my new life of obsequious sexual servitude:
|"BRING IT, HENRY."|
(Rage Kage Fun Fact: I stole these glasses from a small, defenseless child.
It was hilarious.)
I am being broken down and re-educated, one tiny, vulnerable, hyper-sensitive piece of flesh at a time.
Now then. NOW, THEN. What the fuck were we talking about again?
Oh right, Charlotte. Yes, Charlotte.
The other thing about Charlotte is that I didn’t really want to admit to her that I couldn’t quite figure out where she was from.
Like, there used to be some crazy writing on her blog, in some strange, mythical language, never before seen by man.
It looked like German, though I knew enough drunk-tourist-German to know that it wasn’t; or perhaps it was Dutch, though for some reason I didn’t believe it was that, either.
Come on, Kage, think! I reprimanded myself. You’re the absolute bare minimum of well traveled. Take an educated guess, here.
Okay, I thought, concentrating hard. Um...how...about...African? Iranian? Australian!
You can see why I didn’t mention it.
But at the end of her email reply, Charlotte included this little tidbit of information for me:
“Kage is the Danish word for "cake", and I was reading your newest post when my friend wrote "I want cake!" to my msn. I read "I want Kage!" Hahaha! I was thinking "wtf!" for a couple of seconds before I realized I was reading it wrongly.”
And my incredible powers of deduction led me to the conclusion that hey! maybe she's Danish.
Anyway, that's where the inspiration for today's song, Cake and Sodomy, came from - Dane-land.
And really, people... don’t we all just want a little Kage and Sodomy in our lives?