Thursday, February 24, 2011

Cake And Sodomy

 "Omigod, you guys! For me? Cake AND Sodomy?
Awwww, that's so sweet!

I am the god of fuck 

Virgins sold in quantity 
Herded by heredity 
Who said date rape is unkind?

White trash, get down on your knees 
Time for cake and sodomy

~ Marilyn Manson

I wanted to write a quick post tonight, as I am off to the dentist again tomorrow morning, and I think we all remember what happened last time I was gonna “post something as soon as I get back from my dentist  appointment."

I recently emailed another blogger named Charlotte, over at Procrastination Squared. We are new to following each other’s blogs, but she is funny and her writing makes me laugh. Anyway, she had asked me a question, so I pretended that I knew the answer, and sent her off an all-knowing, smarmy arsed email.

Check out what she titled her reply:

Hey, Mrs. Rollins!

Hahahahahahaha! FUCK YEAH!!!

So what I am to understand is that, basically, I am married to Henry Rollins in the eyes of EVERYONE in the ENTIRE WORLD.

Oh! Except for Henry Rollins, of course, but whatever. Tis but a mere hurdle.

Here then, quickly, is a gratuitous picture of my husband, Henry "MyPecsDanceOnlyForKage" Rollins, for you to enjoy during a private moment in a broom closet/ public transport vehicle/ Old Navy changing room later today:

"Will you do absolutely whatever I tell you to do,
without question, Kagie?"

And here’s a picture of me. (Not to be used as a sexual aid - you had your chance to fully drain your fluids during your forbidden tryst with Henry's picture in the photocopy room earlier.)

As you can see, I am assimilating nicely to my new life of obsequious sexual servitude:

(Rage Kage Fun Fact: I stole these glasses from a small, defenseless child. 
It was hilarious.)

I am being broken down and re-educated, one tiny, vulnerable, hyper-sensitive piece of flesh at a time.

Boo yah.

Now then. NOW, THEN. What the fuck were we talking about again?

Oh right, Charlotte. Yes, Charlotte.

The other thing about Charlotte is that I didn’t really want to admit to her that I couldn’t quite figure out where she was from.

Like, there used to be some crazy writing on her blog, in some strange, mythical language, never before seen by man.

It looked like German, though I knew enough drunk-tourist-German to know that it wasn’t; or perhaps it was Dutch, though for some reason I didn’t believe it was that, either.

Come on, Kage, think! I reprimanded myself. You’re the absolute bare minimum of well traveled. Take an educated guess, here.

Okay, I thought, concentrating hard. Iranian? Australian!

You can see why I didn’t mention it.

But at the end of her email reply, Charlotte included this little tidbit of information for me:

“Kage is the Danish word for "cake", and I was reading your newest post when my friend wrote "I want cake!" to my msn. I read "I want Kage!" Hahaha! I was thinking "wtf!" for a couple of seconds before I realized I was reading it wrongly.”

And my incredible powers of deduction led me to the conclusion that hey! maybe she's Danish.

Anyway, that's where the inspiration for today's song, Cake and Sodomy, came from - Dane-land.

And really, people... don’t we all just want a little Kage and Sodomy in our lives?



  1. Your dentist will tell you that eating too much Kage will rot your teeth.

  2. Your powers of deduction frighten me. Perhaps that is what Dr. Yu is trying to kill.

  3. we all want a piece of kage. er uh cake, what?wait...what they are the same thing?

    damn this language thing and different words for everything, anyway...




    oh and then

    the captcha was kageled...

    or was it cakeled?

  4. hahaha! all i've read so far is that EVERYONE WANTS TO EAT ME.

    please form an orderly queue behind the bronzed statue of henry rollins' arse...

  5. When in doubt assume the person is from da Bronx!!! BTW...was that Henry's defenseless child? Oh and I loved your comment on my blog. Yes indeedy I did steel that line from you. Sorry.

  6. drunk tourist german? LMAO.


  7. p.s.


  8. I'm a more of a "Pie and Cunilingus" man myself. Or is that a redundant statement?

  9. Hahahhaha. You make me sound completely awesome. I should mention that I like that a lot.

    And did I forget to mention that part of the reason I was so confused about the whole cake/kage-thing, is that he didn't know about you when he posted that to me.

    And! You don't know the name of the country where they (we...) speak Danish?

  10. Copyboy,
    steel what line? you seriously sounded like my agent!

    and if henry rollins is going to have a poor defenseless child, he will be having it with ME.


    you are so selfish sometimes!

    though i am certain we can figure something out.

    of course i know where danish people come from! what am i, an unedumacated oaf?!

    they're from dane-fordshire, in north london. duh.

  11. I'm confused. Are we getting fuckin' cake, or not?

  12. Fuck the Cake
    ..Bring on the Sodomy!

    .....don't Assume I'm the receiver.

  13. Everybody took my clever idea about posting a comment about how Kage is Cake and everyone wants to eat cake so we want to eat Kage and NOW THERE'S A FUCKING LINE?!?!?

    Coming in late SUCKS.

  14. I was promised cake, and now an orgy is forming. On the plus side, there's an orgy, but on the negative side... where's the cake?

  15. Mmm....Kagey cake.

    I think it would taste of rainbows, strawberries, and something kind of sour! (Not funky sour more like Lemonheads lol)


  16. Sugar Free,
    down, girl! lol

    wait, does that mean I'M the receiver?!

    never be late for an orgy, darling. NEVER.

    i'm right here! i think we might all be getting a little confused...

    phew! good save. lol

  17. I'll just stick with the cake part, thanks!!! ;)


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