Tuesday, January 25, 2011

This Is Good

"Omigod! Omigod! Omigod! You got an award?
I am so fucking excited!
Look at me, I can barely contain myself!

I smash my fists
Into my face
I can feel it
When I close my eyes

And This Is Good

I smash my fists
Into the wall
I can feel it
When I close my eyes

And This Is Good

I think I’m at the bottom
When I’m crying at the top
I think I’m at the bottom
When I’m dying at the top

And This Is Good

I hate to want
You make me want
I hate to want
You make me want you

I hate to want
You make me want 
To hurt you

~ Black Flag

Due to some sort of grievous clerical error, I have received a blog award. Hahaha! Isn't that a scream?

It's from the hilarious Oilfield Trash, whom I refer to as Oilfield Daddy, over at Make Daddy A Sammich.

This is what it looks like.

At first, I presumed "LOL" to mean what I think we all presume it to mean...Luscious Outer Labia.

And I just thought, Don't tell me. TELL HENRY ROLLINS.

But upon further investigation, it would appear that "LOL", in fact, means something entirely different.

Well. All I can say is, thank Christ I checked. That could have been really embarrassing.

So. With great honor comes great responsibility, which I HATE, but alas, what ya gonna do. Upon snooping around other people's blogs, it would appear that I am meant to: a) tell you who gave me the award (did that), b) tell you seven things about myself that you prolly never wanted to know and will absolutely regret reading, and c) torture seven other bloggers with the onerous task of doing the very same thing. (Let's see...who's pissed me off lately? You'll get yours. AND HOW.)



1. I speak fluent English and French, though whenever I am in Quebec, I tell all the Frenchies to slow the fuck down, their French is terrible.

2. I went to the Royal Winnipeg Ballet as a teacher when I was sixteen. I dropped out the following year, and became a stripper just three years later. Haha! All that training finally paid off, Mum and Dad. Bazing.

3. Me Mum is Australian, and my Dad is French-Canadian, even though he doesn't speak French anymore. I've always personally pretended to be a blond-haired, green-eyed Jew, because I have a disturbing and unnatural fascination with Nazi Germany and the Third Reich. I've always felt I needed an excuse for this, since I look so fucking Aryan, so I've lied and said I'm Jewish. No one has ever  questioned me. Oy vey!

4. I have twelve piercings, six tattoos, and more to come.

5. I am my parents' pride and fucking joy. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

6. I snuck into an honors English class in high school by lying about my previous grade, and wasn't caught for a month. By then it was too late to send me to a remedial class. Teacher put me on probation and told me to 'keep up with the others, or else'. I finished with the highest mark in the class.

7. I believe that the punishment for people who abuse animals should be that everything they did to the animal, is done to them. Same thing for people. And I get to watch.


And here's my seven other suckers bloggers, in no particular order (except who's next in line to be dipped in hot wax), who I think rock:



HOLLYWOOD: Where Hot Comes To Die

mental poo

The Didactic Pirate

The Mind Of Spaz

The RudeBlog

And...um, I think that's it. Tada! Responsibilities met!

I do feel kinda bad for the people I've passed this award on to, though.

Like some sort of disease, they're going to have to admit that they got it from me.

Hahahahaha! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Wait. That didn't sound right at all.



  1. Congrats!

    Okay this is embarrassing to say, but due to your bad ass nature I thought if I sent you an award you'd be like "FUCK YOU! I'm cooler than that!"

    (PS My captcha was "poingl" which made me laugh)


  2. From what I've heard, Canadian French sounds rather funny :D But that might be because I learned French in France. I met a Canadian there who always got confused cause the teachers in France kept telling her "that isn'T even a word" and she always complained "well it is a word where I com from"...

  3. I loved your 7 answers.

    And I am shocked you didnt use the word fuck more.

    Congrats on the award, you are one funny gal.

  4. I lie and tell people that I'm half Irish. They judge me less for the excessive amounts of alcohol I drink that way.

  5. Hed,
    haha! i'm bad ass? that is so awesome! yay! i mean...that's cool. whatever.


    My German Pickle,
    you know, i think that must be what the problem was. my french was just TOO advanced, too parisian, too european, for those backwards hicks in quebec. they just couldn't keep up. yes, yes. i like that very much. let's stick with that.

    Oilfield Daddy,
    holy fuck, you're fucking right! i did drop the fucking ball in this post, didn't i? i fucking went back and fucking counted, and fuck me, but i only said 'fuck' like five fucking times. i am a fucking asshole. FUCKING FUCK.

    oh, and thank-you for the fucking award :)

    that's so funny, i do that too! whenever i start drinking, i seem to develop a lilting irish brogue, that's hilarious only to me...

  6. congrats!

    i lie and tell people i am human.

    but I loved all your answers!

    Bruce Johnson JADIP
    Evil Twin
    stupid stuff I see and hear
    The Dreamodeling Guy
    The Guy Book
    The Guy Book

  7. Well thanx yo! Does this mean I have to write 7 things about me too? .....Also WTF you went to jail? That's hilarious!

  8. These awards are spreading like herpes, and you certainly deserve a little outbreak! (An outbreak of awards, not herpes)

  9. Aw COME ON!

    Quebecois French fucking rules! Shame on all of you for hating on it...

    Tabarnacque la langue est crissement belle en esti.

    Congrats on getting blog herpes too, by the way, and for being a ballerina.

  10. Thanks for the award which I so richly deserve. If it came with a cash prize it would be rich.

  11. I never said I hate Quebecois French, I could never hate any kind of French I guess, but it still does sound funny :P

  12. I've always been interested in war stories, doesn't really matter what war, but wars that have happened in my lifetime are easier to relate to, to put into context.

    WWII & Vietnam are particular interests, but I wouldn't necessarily share that with too many people (why do they cringe and act like you just said you're into satanism or something?).

    I makes me want to ralph when some idiot stands up looking for a spotlight only to deny the holocaust happened.
    WTF, I always think, there are still people bearing #s on their arms to testify to it, how can anyone deny it?
    Those who refuse to learn from history, doomed to repeat it, as the saying goes.

  13. Why am I in blue? You shouldn't have, but you definitely deserve a LOL. I loved reading about your ballet 'n brainy ways. So do people in French-land french kiss? Or have french fries?

  14. Damnit, an award for me? WOO!

    I don't think my seven things will be as awesome as yours though, cuz i'm not just as awesome as you.

    I promise I'll try tho.

  15. Bruce,
    you're not human...?!

    jail? um...haha...i dunno what you're talking abooot... *shut*up*that's*our*secret*goddamnit! jk

    all i heard is that you wanna give me herpes, which is the worst pick up line i have ever heard. and i'm a stripper.

    how does an american know french like that?

    ooops. was that racist? it was? hahahaha!

    if there was a cash prize, i'd make you earn it with more than just blogging, darling.

    My German Pickle,
    i know you don't hate quebecois french, pickle! I DO.

    have you heard of that british author david irving, the holocaust denier? i have the originals of his books "hitler's war", before they censored them. and the book 'denying the holocaust' by deborah lipstadt, where he tries to sue her for defamation of character for calling him an anti-semite is SO good.

    i cannot tell you what we do in frenchfrogland. i'd have to kill you, and serve your legs in a posh restaurant.

    you are awesomer! awesomeyer. awesomenesser.


  16. Hahaha Congrats!!! You always manage to make me laugh!

  17. Oh and I agree with doing to animal abusers what they do to the animals. They just make me angry. Same with the people. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
    I don't even know if that makes sense. :P

  18. Okay, as I'm german I don't think I can escape this II WW thing... I swear, I do know everything about it, at least I feel like i do, probably I don't but I still could probably tell you everything you wanted to know from an insiders view, so if you want to know anything, I might just ask people who really know, so ask me :)

  19. Day Program,
    i believe the saying goes, "do unto others what has been done to you." or at least, that's what i tattooed on my left arm.

    My German Pickle,
    my question is this...how does marilyn manson know for sure that the purse he bought for dita von teese was truly eva braun's? how can they prove it? did they do some kind of dna testing on it first? i need to know.

  20. GUES WHAT! I AM FINALLY FUCKING HERE! And I decided to fuck the man (albeit while looking over my shoulder the whole time) and I'm reading your blog at work. So if I get keystroked and fired for pulling up something with sex and with half naked women and men on it...well....it was one helluva ride baby and I can at least say "I rode it like I stole it and SHE FUCKING LOVED IT!"

    That is all


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