The Ruiner

Hey, baby!
Who's the chick with the fucking Crazy Eyes?

The raping of the innocent 
You know the ruiner 
Ruins everything he sees
Now the only pure thing left in my fucking world 
Is wearing your disease


How did you get so big?
How did you get so strong?
How did it get so hard?
How did it get so long?


What you gave to me
My perfect ring of scars
You know I can see 
What you really are


You didn't hurt me 
Nothing can hurt me
You didn't hurt me 


Nothing can stop me now 


~ Nine Inch Nails


Oh, God, Trent. I hope you’re okay.

The accident today was so scary. Holy shit. I can’t even believe it happened.

And now they’ve got your body opened up somewhere, trying to meld your insides back together and save your life.

And all I can do is sit here and wait.

It didn’t even feel real when we hit the ice and went off the road, did it? As we bumped over the embankment and just kept going, I kept thinking, No fucking way, and wondered if, and then when, we were gonna hit that pole.

How far would you say we missed it by? Half a foot? Maybe less?

I was lucky. No injuries, only shock.

You, not so much.

My parents had to drag me off of you, sobbing and screaming. I clung to your body as it was quickly losing it's warmth, and told them I had to stay with you. But they shook their heads and physically lifted me off of you.

“No!” I cried, as they hauled me back to their truck. “We can’t just leave him here in the snow!”

“Kage,” my dad said softly. “There’s nothing more you can do for him. It's out of our hands now. You just don’t have that kind of power.”

I hated him then for being right - I didn’t have that kind of power, no matter how badly I wanted it. I exhaustedly gave up fighting and let my parents fold me into their truck, as I cried and mewled out pathetically for you, over and over.

And now I lie, curled up on the floor in my room, praying to a god that I don’t believe in that you will survive, Trent, and come back to me.

I don’t know what I would do without you. I suddenly realized today that I don’t have any friends left, other than you. Who else is gonna go to the gym with me twice a day? Who else will listen patiently and laugh along encouragingly as I try, over and over and over again, to get all the Dead Kennedys song lyrics right? Who else is gonna go with me anywhere I want to go, any time I want?

I’ve pushed everyone else away, Trent.

All I have left is you.

Please, baby, please.

Don't die.

Come home to me.

Hang in there, Trent, my sweet, rusted-out piece-of-shit. Mummy loves you.