Monday, September 20, 2010

Me: 1. Dick Nuts: 0.

airbrushedreal (fat)

Kid: Oscar, you're a grouch!

Oscar: Bitch, I live in a FUCKING TRASH CAN!

~Dave Chapelle

12:00 am

Holy crap. It's midnight, and this is the first chance I have had to write. I'm gonna keep it sweet, short, and on your point. Ha ha!

I'm in a great mood. YESSSSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Can you guess why?

No, I'm not high.

No, Trent Reznor did not just fly in from L.A. (or wherever) and strip down naked before me, then swear his eternal, undying love, if only I would gain ten pounds.


This pretty little bitch right here had a fucking mint of a day out of hop-sital today! I did almost everything on my list, save for makeup bombing the dogs, Joshie and my parents, but all in due time. And I also dropped a few tears when I didn't get to spend any time with M, but other than that, I had a fucking awesome day.

I was late getting back to hop-sital tonight, as the NA meeting was an hour and a half, not an hour, but the nurses said everything was tickety-boo. I brought back a suitcase full of clean laundry, my iMac and some makeup for the girls, and one of the RNs told me to just take it into the dorm room, that she would check through it in there.

I rolled my suitcase down the hall again, then into the dorm room a moment later. All the other anorexics were lounging on their beds, reading or watching t.v.

"Hi," Day Program looked up from the book she was reading. Her smile was hopeful. "How are you?"

"Yeah, Kage, how are you?" Auschwitz and Buchenwald jumped off their beds, and followed me to mine.

I couldn't contain myself any longer, and spun around. "I got my 30 Day chip!" I told them excitedly, and then spilled the beans about which I knew they really wanted to hear. "And I didn't purge today!"

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!" All three girls screamed and jumped up and down, then threw themselves at me in a gangly group hug. I laughed and hugged each one tightly, grateful for the enthusiastic cheerleading for something that the rest of the world does every single day, without even thinking about it.

But not us.

Except for me, today!

Mumbles just sat on her bed and smiled, but said nothing.

Or maybe she did? Bwahaha!

But yeah, I did it! I made it through my Sunday pass without purging, for the first time! Can you believe it?

I'm not sure that I can. Not just yet. I keep thinking, Yeah, right. Then I make a conscious effort to change it to Oh, yeah! Right!

Score one for me, Eating Disorder!

You fucking DICK NUTS.

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