Wednesday, March 24, 2010

The Arrogant Asian

I am sitting on the bunk bed in the North club dressing room, waiting for my last show, which is in another hour. The show I just did totally sucked, especially because this one douchebag in Sniffer's Row acted just like this otherdouchebag in Sniffer's Row the night before, when I was so upset by the way he treated me that I couldn't even leave the club to go home after my show - I just had to stay and do something about it. I couldn't just leave it alone, even though it was my last show and I was finally free to go home. But I didn't go home. I wouldn't go home. I stayed because I had to do something about the way the guy treated me.

He was an Asian guy, relatively good-looking in a pudgy-cheeked, supremely smug, arrogant sort of way. He was sitting with two other guys of similar but slightly lesser smugy arrogance, all three of them in suits with their ties pulled off, looking to be somewhere in their mid-to-late twenties.

At the beginning of all my shows, I always take a moment to stop and visit each little group in Gyno Row. I had just finished joking with a group of two guys and a girl when I heard the Asian guy and his friends laugh uproariously at something from their end of the stage. I shimmied my way over to them to start a quick conversation, dropping gracefully onto the stage in front of them and smiling brightly.
"Whacha laughing about, boys?" I said teasingly.

The Arrogant Asian was sitting between his two friends. He exchanged a smirk with each of them, and then they went back to chatting amongst themselves, as though I hadn't spoken a word. I sat there for a moment, stunned. I knew that they had heard me. Were they really going to humiliate me in front of an almost full house, by just pretending that I wasn't even there? While I was fucking getting naked for them?

Once my initial shock had dissipated, I tried again to engage them in conversation. This time after I spoke, the Arrogant Asian stopped talking with his buddies, and turned to stare at me for a long moment.

"Keep dancing," he said finally, and waved me away dismissively. Then he turned back to his friends.

My mouth dropped open in shock. "Keep dancing?" I repeated in disbelief. " As in, 'stop talking'?" I asked.

He turned to look me straight in the eye. "Yeah," he shrugged smugly, and again waved me away dismissively.

It took all of my willpower and self control just to keep my mouth shut and crawly away. The Arrogant Asian had just committed the audience faux pas that infuriates me like nothing else can - the dismissive shooing away, like I am some encircling fucking fly that is threatening his drink. Nothing can simultaneously enrage me and also hurt my feelings at the same time. And this fucking douchebag knew it.

I continued my show without visiting them again, but of course, the Arrogant Asian was all that I could think about. Time and again I looked over at him, hoping to make eye contact so I could express some of my rage, but of course he was NEVER looking back at me.

I finally arrived at the tipping part of my show. I went around the stage playing with each group, until the only group left was his. I should have just let it be. No matter how offended I was, I should have just taken some satisfaction in shunning him and his cronies, and left it at that.

But of course, I didn't.

I called to them from a few feet away, asking them if they wanted to play. The Arrogant Asian leaned back in his chair with a smug smile, and looked down his nose at me before he replied.

"What's that?" he asked, cupping his ear and raising his brows.

"Would you like to play?" I called again. I had an idea where this was going.

"What?" he said again.
This went on two more times until he finally tired of his little game. By this time I was sitting right in front of him, and I slapped my magnet onto my belly so we could get started already.

"Tell me how this works," he demanded, picking up a loonie from the large pile on the counter in front of him.

"You gotta make the loonie stick to the magnet," I droned robotically. I knew that he was going to find some fault with my game, something that wasn't fair and that I was a scammer and that actually no, he did not want to play the game. "One for a magnet, two for a poster."

He sat there with his loonie in his hand for what must have been a full 30 seconds before he finally threw a loonie at my magnet.

And of course, Sod's Law, Sod's stupid fucking sodding LAW, he got it in one shot.

His smugness threatened to engulf his whole face. I sat and waited for him to play more - I knew that he wouldn't, but I wanted to make it obvious the he was supposed to. But of course, he just sat there, grinning lazily at me, until he finally piped up.

"So what do I get?" he asked.

"Well, you need one more to get a poster," I said.

"No, what do I get for one?" he asked pedantically.

"You get a magnet," I snapped.

He motioned for me to give it to him. Reluctantly I threw it down onto the counter in front of him, and suddenly my anger just boiled over.

"Really? That's all you want to tip me for getting naked in front of you, is one dollar?" I demanded, gesturing to the pile of loonies in front of him. He reached out and picked up a loonie and held it up for a moment, as though he were going to throw it. Then he placed it back down on the counter and said,"Yeah. That's all I want to play."

I couldn't believe how much of an effort he was making to demean me. Bile rose in the back of my throat as I had to shut my trap and just take it. I yelled to the DJ that I was done my show, and spent the next five minutes as I was picking up my loonies and costumes from the floor of the stage, fighting the screaming urge to tell this guy off for the way he treated me.

I stormed into the dressing room with my stage bag and loonies, still livid and fuming. I was filled with this feeling that if I didn't say something to this guy I would rip my own skin off in my fury. I considered all of my options as I went around and signed posters for the other members of the audience.

i'll finish this tomorrow.....

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