Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Feel So Tight

Aaaaah. I fucking LOVE having an outlet for my rage! Today I went absolutely ape shit crazy at the gym, possibly brought about by my rereading of Baby Momma's Facebook message. I took Baby to the gym with me this morning, where I finished the leg and ab exercises that I couldn't cram in before closing the night before, then did 20 minutes of hard cardio. It was a great way to start the day - after breakfast and getting dressed with Baby and getting packed up and getting to the gym, it was already noon by the time we got there. I had one hour to train before the daycare closed, which I used up to the very last second, arriving at the door to the daycare at 1:01. Baby came to the locker room with me and hung out while I got dressed, and I realized I had just discovered a way to cram in five extra minutes when I have Baby with me!

Once i was dressed and Baby's bum was changed, we hopped in the car and headed to Safeway, where we ran through the aisles and laughed and screamed while we picked up some groceries. Even though we couldn't get the cart with a car on the front like we usual do, Baby was in a great mood, and laughed loudly every time I would run and then let the cart go. Once we had the food Kg needed to make a healthy lunch, we loaded up the car and drove back home. Baby spent the ride home chattering away, telling me she loves me and blowing me kisses from her car seat.

By the time we got home, it was already 2 in the afternoon, an hour later than when I usually put her down for her nap. I made some egg whites with veggies for myself, and warmed her Princess Soup from the night before, and we shared them both in front of Treehouse. It was 3 o'clock by the time I put her down for a nap, but she was so good, allowing me to read something other than The Cat in the Hat for once, and then immediately going to sleep.

I went back downstairs to watch Daily Show and Colbert Report, but ended up falling asleep on the couch with Moo. Shortly after 5, I woke up to the sound of Baby calling for me from her room. We went for a poop on the potty - the first one she has done for me! - then hung around and played while we waited for Daddy to come home.

Bf ended up getting off work early, so I was able to go for a tan before I went back to the gym to do weights. I only had to do biceps and triceps tonight, and since I had done abs in the morning, I was done quickly - too quickly. I had been discussing Baby Momma's letter with my girlfriend Nia, and by the time I had finished my weights I was still bursting with unused energy. So I hopped on the treadmill again, and stayed on for another half hour, alternating between walking on an extreme incline and running much faster than usual. By the time my 30 minutes was up, my face was bright red and the sweat was just pouring off me. I felt SO FUCKING GOOD! I haven't felt that good in a very long time, pretty much since Baby Momma turned on me. I felt full of life and energy and optimism and determination, and proud of the things I ha accomplished during the day. Basically, I fucking kicked ASS today!

There were two absolutely terrifying moments today that I must mention as well, though.

The first occurred during breakfast this morning. Bf had already left for work, and I had Baby in her high chair in the living room, watching Treehouse while she ate her breakfast. I had just walked back into the kitchen to grab my own bowl of oatmeal when I heard Baby cough violently. I turned around and bolted back into the living room, where I found Baby with her mouth full of food and juice hanging open, turning bright red and trying desperately to cough again. I asked her if she was alright, and I could see that she could not get a breath in to reply. I tapped her on the back, gently at first but getting harder as terror took hold of my heart. I started begging God for help while I repeatedly tried to burp it out of her. Finally, something happened, I don't know what, but the food dislodged from wherever it was trapped, and she spewed out a huge piece of hot crossed bun and Five Alive juice.

After a bit of hacking, she was fine. "That my fault," she said, holding up her hands as they dripped with her regurgitated food. "I sorry."

"Oh God, no Baby, it's okay, it's not your fault," I babbled as I cleaned her up. I was trying not to cry in front of her, but i was shaking so badly and still felt that blind panic that had engulfed me a few moments earlier. When she was cleaned up and eating again, like two minutes later, I walked behind her high chair, dropped to my knees, and thanked God over and over and over and OVER that things hadn't gotten any worse.


I realized how horrible it was that Baby was primarily in my care when she is here with us, and I didn't know what to do when my step daughter was choking. I decided then and there that I was going to do a first aid course for children. I want to be prepared and able to help my little girl with anything and everything that comes along, and today I realized how unprepared I really am.

The other thing that happened today was when Baby and I had just pulled out of the parking lot of Shopper's Drug Mart, onto the main street where we would quickly take the next left to whip a U-turn and go back the way we had come. Whoever had followed me out of the parking lot had also changed into the left lane behind me, and presumably that is when they decided to start to texting. I watched as, even after I had turned my left indicator and began to slow down, the SUV came barreling down the road behind us. I went from wondering when he was going to notice that I was turning to wondering when the moment of impact would heat when he finally must have looked up and seen that he was about to rear end my almost stopped car as he was accelerating down the hill. He finally slammed on the brakes, and I heard the horrible screeching noise of a car trying desperately to stop on ice. I'm not too sure how narrow the margin between the cars was before he stopped, but it looked like he barely squeaked by as I lurched into the left turn. Once again, I had to pull over to cry and thank God over and over and over again that nothing had happened to hurt my baby.
Ok, I can't stay awake anymore. Write tomorrow.

One last time...thank-you God, for saving the sweetest little girl in the world.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...