Friday, February 12, 2010

Full Circle, Bitch

WOW. What a DAY. Actually, what a couple of days I have had.
Yesterday was Bf's day off, and in the morning he went snowboarding for a few hours while Baby and I hung out at home, then went to the gym. I had just pulled into the gym's parking lot with Baby when Bf called to say he was done, so instead of dropping her off in daycare, we waited for her dad to come and pick her up. When Bf arrived, he told me that he had just spoken to Baby Momma, and found out that she had just quit her week of work that morning. Bf was frustrated, as she now wanted Baby during her time off, even though it is our week, and was also asking for money - even though she is the one who just up and quit her job, she wanted money form Bf.

I empathized with Bf. She was so completely unreasonable, and so frustrating to try to argue with. I let Bf leave with Baby and headed back into the gym to get started on my workout. I had just started on my abs when inspiration struck, and I reached out and grabbed my mobile.

I called the downtown club, which is where I knew Baby Momma had been working, and asked for the DJ. And when I had him on the line, I innocently asked if i could have Baby Momma's shows.
"I heard that she quit this morning," I told Peter the DJ, who I had never actually met before, "and I wanted to let you guys know that I am free to cover any shows."

And he said yes! Not just to picking up a few of her shows, but all of them - I would finish out the week that she had abandoned, save for two shows where I already had stags booked with Girl Agent.

I needed to confirm with Bf that his mum had Baby for the rest if the week, and Peter said that he needed to confirm with the cub manager, but he was sure it would be fine. After I had double checked with Bf that Baby would indeed be with Nana, I jumped up and down and did a little victory dance in the middle of the gym. Yes! I now had three and a half days of shows, possibly four if I made it onto the Sunday schedule.

But alas, my victory was short lived, as I should have known it would be. Because even though the club was willing to book me again after I didn't show up for work two Sundays in the past month, i still hadn't gotten around to going back to the office to apologize to Boy Agent, and repay him the commission that I lost him on the weekend of the seven hour blackout. A few minutes after I had hung up with Bf, Peter called back from the club - management had told him to wait off on confirming with me until they had Boy Agent's approval.

My victory dance came to an abrupt halt. Victory was no longer assured, due to my endless cowardice. I had continued to avoid Boy Agent, simply because I was scared that he would get mad at me for what I had done. It would have been so much better if I had taken the initiative and gone to him of my own accord, rather than trying to sneak a booking past him and hoping that I wouldn't have to take responsibility for what I had done. And now my chance to approach him on my own and prove myself an adult had run out.

So I swallowed my fear and my hope and my pride and my regret, and sent Boy Agent a text.

"Hey, can I cover for Baby Momma for the rest of the week and use the money that I make to pay you the commissions I owe you? Please?"

I waited in agony for the next fifteen minutes. Yet another power game, the upper hand held one again by the person other than me, because I gave it to them.

He answered exactly as I had known that he would.
"Call the office."

And after a few minutes of praying, I did.

It actually went a lot better than I thought. He didn't yell, he didn't scream - he said that he knew I was working for Girl Agent again, and that would have to stop. Then he asked for $25 less than what Ex Bf had told me to expect, and said that if I paid it that night, I could come back to work.

I said KAY.

Of course, I didn't actually have all the money that he wanted, but I said that I would. I have been sitting on a little emergency stash for a while now, safe in the knowledge that if I really needed to get it, it would be there.

My emergency stash was all the gift certificates I had received for Christmas and my birthday, save for one. I had decided long ago that if things got desperate enough, I would go into each store, buy something for less than five dollars at each, and end up with a cool twenty-and-change in my pocket. I had hoped I would not have to resort to that, as my family had put a lot of thought into where I'd like to spend my money, but desperate times call for desperate measures. The only one I saved was from Bf. That one was sacred.

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