Friday, December 9, 2011

She's Melting On Me Like Cotton Candy

Isn't he the cutest thing you've ever seen?
I just wanna eat him up!

Her heart shivers in my hand
She's melting on me like cotton candy
I make the faces that make you cry
I want you more when you're afraid of 
My disease, disease is draining me 
Anymore you're not so "pretty please" 
Disease, disease is draining me
I want you more when you're afraid of me

~ Marilyn Manson, "Sweet Tooth"

  During Halloween at the tattoo shop, we filled our lollipop bowl with extra candies for the customers to snack on. Usually it was only picked through when customers came in with their kids, or when the friends of our teenaged clientele would happen upon the bowl while they were waiting for their friend to get pierced.

But the biggest fans of our Halloween candy bowl was this gaggle of pubescent teenaged boys that hang out at the strip mall in which we are located. I used to smile benignly and offer them the bowl, and they would each gleefully take a few candies and trot triumphantly out of the store.

That is, until last week. Three of the teenaged boys came in last Friday just as I opened the doors for business at the bright, disgustingly ungodly hour of 12 noon. I recognized the two black kids from earlier candy excursions, but the third one, a cheeky Muslim kid, was a new addition.

I was busy at the back of the store when they came in, washing my mug in one of the three metal sinks along the side wall of the shop.

“Can we have some candy?” they called from the front, standing on tiptoe to see me over the countertop.

“Sure,” I said, dumping some soap into my coffee mug.

“Yesssss!” they shouted, and the three of them bolted over to the candy bowl.

I watched them as they each dug a hand into the bowl and pulled out as much candy as they could possibly hold, then stuff it into their jacket pockets. I rolled my eyes. That was a bit much, I thought with a smirk.

They they all reached into the bowl again.

“Hey, whoa!” I yelled from the back of the store, and they immediately started grabbing and cramming candy as quickly as they could.

“Hey!” I said again. “That’s enough, guys.”

“Okay, we’re sorry,” one of them called back, but they didn’t stop filling their pockets.

Little fuckers, I thought, and reached up to turn off the faucet. I yanked a piece of paper towel off of the roll hanging from the wall and headed towards the front of the store.

They squealed and dropped the bowl back onto the counter, then ran for the door.

“We love you, Tattoo Girl!” they shouted as they burst through the door and ran into the parking lot.

My rage immediately abated. Tee hee! Tattoo Girl.

And that's when I forgave them, because I am so vain.

  I leave you now with a link to a video to see the most awesome thing to ever happen to ballet... (I tried to link the video but it didn't work, goddamnit)

***Kage's Favorite Ballet Clip EVER****



  1. I don't take candy from strangers... only phone numbers ;)

  2. What a heart-warming story about forgiveness and redemption and flattering a vain woman into letting you steal her candy.

    I love you Tattoo Girl with fertile skin and a great butt! Now where's my candy?

  3. Paulie,
    just don't take anything from americans ;)

    i can't tell you exactly where your candy is, as this is a family blog. but i'll give you a hint; it rhymes with "din by kanties".

  4. That Manson doll is surprisingly cute. I think I would have let them get away with it too really. For little bastards they sure were sweet. Must be all the candy they stole.

  5. Hey hun!
    I think it's pretty nice that you just forgave 'em like that. Sounds like you work in a pretty awesome shop, too!
    Actually your life sounds pretty awesome right now, I'm really happy for you!
    ... and kinda drunk, but that's another matter.


  6. Little turd shit fuckers. That's the problem with these little turds they just take and take and take. I hate teenaged kids. Wanna wring some sense into their little scrawny necks.

    Quit dumping your garbage on my front lawn you little pukes I don't care that my house is only 3 down from your shitty little school!

    Fuck I'm 33 and I'm already an old curmudgeon. You go tattoo lady ;)

  7. That's really not nice but they were decent enough to ask permission, and say sorry and run away with a heart-warming line ! Hahaha.

    Love you tattoo girl!

  8. Mark,
    isn't it? and they were kinda sweet ;) little fuckers lol

    drunk is always welcome here! and thank-you, things are pretty awesome right now :)

  9. Mike,
    um...wha? there is more here than i

    love you too, beautiful jaya!

  10. Is that so? Well you'd better not mind me washing it before eating it, sometimes a woman can carry vanity too far.

    As for the ballet clip, I don't believe he did that scissor thing without practising for hours.

  11. Lil fucking fart drinkers... maybe keep a special stash for them...lollies that are bathed in really strong that would be fun!
    on the brighter side...i think they loooove you and it was very sweet of you not to take the violent way out...
    gee...old mazza looks like he has a bit of a beer belly going there...cute dolly though ;)

  12. GB,
    yeah, scissoring takes a lot of devotion and practice, which is why i scissor whenever i possibly can to stay in shape.

    tee hee? 'fart drinkers'? lol

  13. "Tattoo Girl"? I see a latex costume & a cape in your future. Or do you already have those?

  14. That clip is greatness! haha. I love your new super hero name...but grabby kids should be caned! Just saying. :)

  15. I'm a sucker for flattery too. However, a bunch of fat candy loving teenagers that are probably on the brink of diabetes with all those sweets they're eating... I think you can do better.

  16. aww you've got a big heart, but they are still shit heads. So no candy on the counter from now on.

  17. you should replace the candy bowl with a 'special' candy bowl for the kids containing: Jelly Belly "Bean Boozled" flavors such as: Skunk Spray, Pencil Shavings, Rotten Egg, Toothpaste, Canned Dog Food, Barf, Booger, Moldy Cheese, Baby Wipes and Centipede. lol. more info here:

  18. Where the fuck do your readers live that they think teenagers that steal candy are shit heads? I am sorry, but the whole of London nearly went into civil war last August because of greedy teenagers. These guys are bloody naughty, and that is as far as it goes on human morality classification.

    I think they are sweet. Stealing candy from the pretty tattoo girl, fuck me, if all teens behaved alike.

  19. Jewels,
    yeah, just depending on what they are grabbing for lol ;)

    don't worry, i'm still holding out for henry rollins

    yeah, i'm gonna make 'em work for it!

  20. Paulie,
    haha! GROSS. i love it ;)

    too true. they are kind of endearing :)


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