Thursday, August 11, 2011

Organ Grinder

Marilyn: "What's that? Uh, yes, I do realize how much my new wife Kage looks like Dita Von Teese
in this picture, but I assure you, it is my new wife Kage.

Kage: "Oh baby, that's the night I cut off Dita's skin and wore it the Oscars,
remember? No wonder everyone is so confused! I don't know. I thought it looked nice."

I am the face of piss and shit and sugar
I do a crooked little dance with my funny little monkey
What I want, what I want is just your children
I hate what I have become to escape what I hated being

Calliopenis envy from your daddy
You're not gonna hear what he don't want to hear
What I say disgusts him
He wants to be me and that scares him
"Let's do a funny little dance with my funny little monkey"
The black keys

They try to blink me not to think me
Don't want to bring me out
I am the rotten teeth, my fists are lined with suckers
My prison skin's an eyesore-mirror-sketch-pad
I am your son
Your dad
Your fag
I am your fad

~ Marilyn Manson

Oh, god. I’m so bored. I’m so bored that I can’t even think of anything to write.

There are only so many octogenarians, burn victims, and staff that I can fuck with on this floor before I just run out of people. They should be bringing me fresh victims daily if you ask me - and you do. But no, whenever I go wandering down the hall, searching for new adventures and unsuspecting prey, the nurses just make me go back to bed, go back to bed, go back to bed.

And how many times do I have to say, “I’ll only go back to bed if Henry Rollins is in it, waiting for me” before my request gets processed???

How fucking hard is that? HUH?

Anywhoor. As I was making some changes to my blog background today, I also took the time to scroll through some of my old posts. And holy shit, you guys were right! I DO have a thing about Henry Rollins. Like, holy shit. I sure hope he doesn’t look at this site anymore, which he prolly doesn’t after our one-time misunderstanding of my open letter to him. Cuz if he saw all this other stuff, he would totally think I’m nuts.

And I AM nuts, but not in a Henry-Rollins-should-be-scared-of-me-or-should-invest-in-extra-security-personnel-the-next-time-he-plays-a-show-in-Calgary kind of way. Just crazy in the sense that I want to kidnap him and keep him chained to a wall in my basement where I can lick him at will and keep him all to myself. That’s ALL. I mean, that kind of crazy barely even registers these days. Please.

The point of this noxious rambling is that today I am thinking of another of my stalkees, Marilyn Manson. As I scrolled through my old blog posts I was dismayed to see a serious lack of MM presence as of late. THIS IS NOT RIGHT. Not right at all.

I must redeem myself to the Reverend! I started by using his image and lyrics for this post, but that’s just not enough; he deserves more than that. Luckily I’m completely nuts, so I’ve come up with a semi interesting (considering I am confined to a hop-sital bed) idea to show Marilyn Manson my Manson love.

We have this shower board on our unit, you see, which I have for some reason taken over as my own. I have also taken to bitting anyone else who tries to write on it.

Yes, I AM a doctor.

It occurred to me today that I could spread the word of Manson here at the hop-sital, if I am very careful in how I set it up. For the next two or three days, the shower board will look like this:


That extra writing is going to arouse staff suspicion, especially since it is coming from ME. So I’m going to write gooey, tree-hugging type quotes for the first few days. The staff’s heightened state of alert (haha! get it? henry? never mind) when they walk by my board will lessen each day as they pass by and see that I am being a good girl and only writing happy, slightly nauseating quotes of lovey, gooey mush mush.

And that’s when I’ll strike! The quotes that they will have stopped even noticing as they pass the board will all become Manson’s. Hahahahahahahaha!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, fucking Christ. I am just so fucking bored in here that this, THIS is how I must entertain myself.

What the shit.



  1. Oh God you have to put "I am the God of fuck" on there. You just HAVE TO.


  2. This isn't going to work. If they don't even read your scribbles, where's the fun in that? But if they read them and then erase them your tits are going to explode. How about sending the nurses suggestive notes signed with aliases like "Johnny Ramjet" and "Rod Curveball"? No nurse can avoid reading a note addressed to her. Trust me on that one.

  3. I used to work in a hospital and patients like you were a nuisance but also entertaining,

  4. You could always keep yourself busy writing a guest post for me *big brown puppy dog eyes*. Just saying is all...I'd love to have you stop by.

  5. I had no Idea you were from Calgary as well. Crazy.

  6. Hed,
    i know. I KNOW. it will be done, though maybe with left hand instead of my right.

    i like the way you think. perhaps i shall do both.

    I am described that way several times a day.

  7. Jewels,
    i have been to your site, my darling! perhaps i wasn't obnoxious enough for you to see me?

    Not The Hero,
    i'm at the foothills, if you wanna come visit me. unit 32, room 373. no pressure, but i like flowers and stuffed animals and money.

  8. I LOVE Marilyn Manson... can a straight guy say that?


    God of Sex or... Goddess of Sex...??? ;o)


  9. Just found your blog on Gorilla Bananas. I love the picture of you in the banner. But I am concerned that you combat uniform has some safety problems. Nevertheless, I'm subscribing.

  10. Well now I'm acutely aware of the lack of Manson on MY blog!

  11. Isn't Marylin Manson female?

    Mr. Rollins will be pleased your are bringing other girls into the bed ;)

  12. Great plan Kiddo! Lul them into a false sense of security then... Ka-Fuckin-BOOM! I like it. Keep us posted. And make sure you get the what-the-fuck quote when they catch ya.

  13. My deAR kAGE When the hell are you geting out? I know you're doing manson today, but I think NIN would be more appropriate in your setting. "Every day is Exactly the same...." or if you wanted to go old school there's always Welcome Home Sanitarium by Metallica.

    Anyway get some rest, and get better so they let you go home!

  14. Red Shoes,
    i like to think he is the god or goddess of hot sex based entirely on my rampant mood swings.

    Fred Miller,
    problems with my combat finery? whatsoever could you mean?

    Sugar Free,
    well get on it, woman! you never know when the reverend will be here to come all over our faces.

  15. Mike,
    mmmmmmmmm, yeah, hermaphrodite orgies are so the shit. for one, you don't have to spend as much money on booze.

    Uncle Petey,
    haha! kaFuckingBOOM! i like that.

    well my darling, i am in here for a wee while, so i reckon we'll get thru all the greatest hits. i'm so glad you're back :)

  16. THANK YOU so much for bringing back Marilyn Manson. I'm not ashamed to admit that I have to occasionally break out some CDs of his and pretend I'm all angsty again and sing along. Fuck yeah.

  17. See, I never knew you stalked Manson. I'm glad you cleared that up. Spread the love, good doctor! Spread the love!

  18. I know it's lame, but I've given you award over at my place. At the very least, it's to keep your hot, bony ass blogging.

    I hope the nurses gave you back your wheelchair. Keep taking care of yourself, sweetie.

    Now I'm going to sit here and decide which picture of Henry Collins I like the most. This could take awhile.

  19. So is this hopstial any way related to eating disorders? For some reason until now I thought you where in California, guess I missed that.

    Here is some Trent Reznor for your day

  20. god i have missed your blog..

    yeah, i know...that sounds lame...
    tUcKeR says hi ya!

    usually when i ma this drunk i gots mad lines and pops rhymes, but tonight i gots nuttin'




    but whatever...

    good to see you in the webberworld...

  21. I know what Bruce is saying.

    Maybe Because I mix Mike's Hard Lemonade and vodka. I love vodka. And clonzepam.

  22. Yeah yeah yeah....ummm....grinding an know that's code for..well...hmmm hahahaahah...let me echo a few of the sentiments here and put a deal to you....if you write more i shall grace the world with more of my wacky and zany (i sooo love that term) scribblings..
    Hooray for, like i, shall get there ;)

  23. It is a good idea, and one that should work, but I do have to point out a fatal flaw. You want them to not notice the board so you can put MM on it, but if they aren't noticing the board, they aren't noticing MM and you aren't spreading the word. But this should actually cause them to look at the board and wonder just what niceness you left for them today, then it's something marilyn, so yes it will actually work pretty well :)

  24. Maxwell,
    mmm. he is a god, isn't he?

    for manson, i'll spread more than just my love.

    that is not lame! thank-you so much, i love getting awards! and if you can actually manage to select just one picture as your favorite of Henry Rollins, you must let me know which one!

  25. Convictus
    yup it is, which easily explains why you thought i was in cali. and thank-you for the link, the new music was beautiful.

    Bruce + Tucker,
    it's good to see you too, boys!

    hey, i love mixing vodka and clonazepam too! how bout that.

  26. Danny,
    i like this deal. tell me more.

    don't pop my fucking balloon! jk

  27. I once won a weekend in a shed with Marilyn Manson. Yet another one of those days I wish I'd never woken up.

  28. Henry Rollins kicked me in the ass many years ago.
    Turns out if you're going to stage dive, you ought to know the band's songs well enough to recognize when one is coming to an end.

    After he kicked me in the ass, a girl leaped on stage and tried to grab his crotch.
    He kind of pushed her back and said, "Not right now, babe; I'm working."

    Thus ends my Henry Rollins-related stories.

  29. oh how i've missed you while i was away so happy to be back and to come back to Manson no less you totally rock.


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