Crazies Update!

“I can’t have sex with your personality 
and I can’t put my penis in your college degree 
and I can’t shove my fist in your childhood dream 
so why you sharing all this information with me?”


~ Jon LaJoie, “Show Me Your Genitals”

Um...I kinda just dropped off telling you about Saturday, but of course now I can’t remember a fucking thing about it. I know I went to a meeting, but I can’t remember where, or what happened. Nor what happened Sunday. Monday I went back to the hop-sital to bring Moo Moo to Buchenwald-the-Lifer and Day Program, and to go to the AA meeting.

It was weird, I had been in a shitty mood in the afternoon, but when I got to the hop-sital and saw the girls, suddenly I was in a fantastic mood, and even got asked by the cranky new anorexic to stop telling stories, everyone was laughing so loud she couldn’t hear her t.v.

Oh, fuck! That’s what happened on Saturday! How could I forget?! Ugu came to visit from Deadmonton!

That's the story I was telling the other anorexics, that made the cranky one tell us to shut the fuck up, about Moo and I getting chased out of Starbucks by security, when Moo lost her shit and started barking at a seeing-eye dog.

Ha ha! Kids. So cute.

Anyway, Ugu and I didn’t have very long to catch up, what with the dog fight, the spilt coffee, and the ensuing rent-a-cop police chase, but it was still nice to see him, and for him to see me, out of hop-sital and fucking normal for once.

He walked me to my car afterwards, which for some reason I had parked across the bloody highway, and we had to do some serious jaywalking to get to. But we somehow survived, and when we hugged goodbye, Ugu gave me a little present for graduating the hop-sital.

Well. I say little present. It was actually big. Fecking huge.

Ugu paid for my graduation tattoo. The whole fucking thing! So that I won’t dance, to try and get the money, or anything stupid like that. Cuz he knows me too well, he said.

I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t actually open the envelope until I had gotten home, and then I actually screamed when I saw what it contained. Speaking of which, I need to email Ugu the receipt from the tat parlor, so he knows I didn’t blow it all on drugs. Ha ha!

Hmmm. That’s prolly not funny.

But I am eternally grateful for the WIKKED grad present, Ugu. Cuz you’re prolly right. You do know me too well.

Anyway, it is now the following Saturday, and I feel like I should just start writing from today, or I will just keep walking by my MacBook and giving it the stink-eye, but making absolutely no effort to catch up on what I’ve done since I left hop-sital.

How bout I’ll give you a quickie...review, though:

Last Sunday - went to a meeting in the afternoon, then went to pick up Billy (dog) from the Doggy Holiday Inn, only to discover he had been bitten by another dog and had an open, bleeding wound. Had to take him to insanely overpriced emergency vet in My City, who recommended exploratory surgery and a drainage tube. I said I just declared bankruptcy, sew him up and give me back my fucking dog.

Monday - went to the university gym with me mum for the first time. Was intimidated to go there, but when I finally got there, it was just like every other gym I have ever worked in, and I felt better. Got on the treadmill for twenty minutes, and even ran for a whole four minutes, though I think I was propelled more by mania than by anything healthy. Went to the hop-sital meeting in the evening, leaving Moo with the anorexic girls upstairs. Oooh, and then I think that was the night M called and invited me over to watch a movie, Forgetting Sarah Marshall. I raced home from hop-sital, chucked some food at the dogs, grabbed my snack and was out the door in under five minutes.
Ha ha! I can’t stand Russell Brand’s stand up comedy, I think it’s predictable dross that’s only shocking to people who are easy to shock, and who don’t want to have to think about their comedy in any way, shape or form, but I liked his character in this movie. He was hilarious.

Tuesday - um...hmmm. I know I went to a meeting at the Beat Her Lawless hop-sital, but that’s all I can remember. Oh wait, now I remember, I went to see a money management counselor, for help with my finances.
        She gave me the number to a bankruptcy trustee, and told me to piss off.

Wednesday - had an appointment to see Kiki, my case manager at the hop-sital. Wasn’t sure exactly why I had to see her, have already done the preliminary orientation gobbledygook for Day Program, what else she want me for?
Ha ha! Nothing, as I suspected. Just checking in, how are you doing, what did you learn during your stay in hop-sital? Ok, that’s good Kage, we’ll put you on the waiting list. WHAT? I thought I was on the waiting list!!!!!!!!!
Afterwards, I went to Story Time with M and Baby at the library. Felt bad when we walked into the room and Baby only wanted her Kagie to take her to the front and do all the stretches and moves with her, while her dad just sat at the back. Like I highjacked his Zeppelin or something. But it was so nice to hold her again, we acted just like we did before, there was no awkwardness or ‘don’t tell me what to do, who are you?’ as I had expected. She was just happy to see me, and God, but that kid’s amazing. I know it’s not nice to compare her to other kids, and she’s not even mine to do that with in the first place (my not-my kid is better than yours [statement excludes Joshie and Little B!]), but she really is a well adjusted, thoughtful and intelligent little girl.
All traits inherited from her dad. Obviously.
In the aft, took Billy to a vet out-of-town, who told us that he really did need exploratory surgery and a drainage tube, and the other vet clinic weren’t just trying to rape me financially. Billy was booked for surgery the following day.
Went to a meeting with Celia that night. She called me out for my bullshit, then told me to drive her home and gave me a bunch of Big Book homework, to be completed in five days. Hmmmm.

Thursday - Took my pride-and-joy Billy in for surgery at 8 am, then went home and cried about it. He’s an old man (8), if he died i was certain I would die with him. (Hello, drama queen). I went back to sleep for the morning, until my sleeping-the-day-away instigated a fight with me mum, and she was coming into my room so often that I got up, just so she would bugger off and leave me alone.
Went back in the aft to get Billy, who was alive, yay! Brought him home, his drainage tube dripping blood and pus all over the place. My baby!

Friday - Met with bankruptcy trustee. He was actually a really nice guy, and funny, too. He said I can keep my computer, which is nice, cause I would have pawned it and set the money on fire before I let them have it. Because I’m mature like that, now. Just kidding, I’m so glad they didn’t take it, nor did they take Trent the Tracker! Though the way I snorted with mirth when he asked me what his value was  may have given him a clue...
Went to a meeting in the evening at the Beat Her Lawless Hop-sital. Cried a little. Swore a lot.

There we are! Up to date.