Tuesday, September 21, 2010

My Fat Lip

"Ladies and gentlemen, while Mr. Kim, by virtue of his youth and naivete, has fallen prey to the inexplicable need for human contact, let me assure you that my research will go on uninterrupted, and that social relationships will continue to BAFFLE and REPULSE me. Thank-you."

~ Sheldon, Big Bang Theory

4:30 pm

Ha ha! Look at my poor lips! I thought I'd skip out on the disturbing pic for today, so we could all have a right laugh at my fat lips.

I picked up a new post for my labret piercing on Sunday, though obviously, it ain't long enough (that's what she said). The back of the post is being sucked into my lower lip as we speak, and the flesh is closing ranks around it, so I cannot get it out on my own.

Which is all very clever of me, cuz now I have Angelina Jolie lips for a day, and me mum has to come and take me out of hop-sital to go to the piercing parlor and get it fixed. Rahahahahahahahahaha! Fucking eh!

Ahhhh! Life's simple pleasures, you know?

Other than that, my day's been...well, boring. No wait, I mean well boring. I'm impatient for some reason today. I think (know) it's mostly due to that back-alley stray, Miss Kitty, and her shitty fucking attitude, poisoning up everything she comes into contact with. The girl could bitch and whine for her country, and while I am determined not to let ANYONE fuck with my treatment, I am finding it challenging to stay positive and motivated and in the present moment, with Kitty around. She just hates everything we do, and let's everyone know it, so then we feel stupid for liking it, or participating in it. No one has said anything to her yet, cuz no one wants to be the bad guy - not even Mumbles, and she tells off everyone. It was on the tip of my tongue in Exploring Emotions this afternoon, but I didn't think I could do it without yelling.

Like, I wanted it to sound something like this:

"Kitty, I understand that you are certified, and are therefore here in hop-sital against your will, and I empathize. However, we need you to recognize that all of your negative actions and dismissive dialogue are deeply affecting the other people in this Group, who were once actively participating, but have desisted since your arrival. You are affecting all of us with your negative behavior in these rooms, and it needs to stop."

But in actuality, it was gonna sound more like this:

"Bitch, I know you're certified and you want to go home and kill yourself, and I really don't give a fuck - nobody here can make you want to live if you don't want to. But your shitty fucking attitude is infecting everyone who comes into contact with you, and it's starting to fuck with our treatment. So stop thinking only about yourself all the fucking time, and think how your actions are affecting the people around you. You acting like a miserable fucking cow all the time is jeopardizing everyone else's chance at getting better."

Ooooh, it's Dinner time. Back in a bit...

10:30 pm

Just sitting up in bed, cranking Sons of Butcher in my ears so that I don't have to hear whatever it is they are doing to Eva, on the other side of the hop-sital curtain beside my bed. Eva is the new medical patient in our room, the one that had to vacate Kitty's room so Auschwitz-the-Lifer could move in and be under constant supervision. So now in our hop-sital dorm room, there are four crazy anorexics, and one wheezing-but-not-demented-thank-fuck-old-lady.

I feel bad for Auschwitz-the-Lifer. She had just made the decision that she was really going to try to stop exercising, that maybe there was something to what Kage said about her fucking dying this way. The first morning that she managed to stay in bed, the first morning she didn't sneak out of the hop-sital and go out for a run on her fractured ankle, was the day they moved her out of our room.

She was devastated.

"But I didn't go for a run this morning!" she pleaded with the nurses as they packed her bags. "Please, please don't make me go. I didn't go for a run!"

"Doctor's orders," the RN said, barely glancing up as Auschwitz bawled her eyes out beside her.

Charming bedside manner, you whoor, thought I.

I pulled Auschwitz away from the packing and enveloped her in a hug, shushing her as she cried. I awkwardly patted the bones of her back, and softly reassured her that she could still come and hang out in our room, whenever she wanted.

She clung to me and sobbed. "Kage, I don't want to go. Please, don't make me go!"

"Oh, honey," I said, and gently stroked the back of her head, with it's long, full blond hair. I still couldn't figure our how both Lifers, Auschwitz and Buchenwald, still had full heads of thick, luscious hair, when both were under 80 pounds. How? How? "All you can do now is work your ass off to get back in the room with us, okay? Tell them that's your goal, or that that's the reward you want when you reach your goals. Okay?"

"Okay," she sniffed.

"Good girl," I said.

"Auschwitz," the RN said, and took her by the bony arm. "Let's go."

Auschwitz allowed herself to be pulled out of my embrace, and be led out of the room.

I watched them go, then turned to go back to my bed, but something on my shirt caught my eye, and I looked down.

There, shining brightly against the black showcase of my shirt, was a massive clump of Aushwitz's beautiful blond hair.

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