Fucking Bonkers

You are SO GROUNDED, Missy!

I'm still alive. Unfortunately.

My brain or my body or whatever this survival instinct thing is clicked in last night when I was on the floor with Dad. My body suddenly just flooded with adrenaline, and I stopped crying, picked myself up the floor, and laughed.

Seriously. I laughed. I was once again completely numb, like my system had just flushed out all the toxic feelings and destroyed them.

Poor Dad. If I thought he was frightened when I started howling...this was worse. He didn't know what to do with me.

I need to get into that FUCKING HOSPITAL.

I'm down another pound, bringing me under 110. Which is thin, yes, but I'm started to wonder...just how thin do I have to be, just how much weight do I have to lose, before they'll take me seriously?