Sunday, December 27, 2009

Oh, SNAP! Thank you, Jebus!!!

You may be able to figure out how this blog entry goes by the title. Or perhaps not?

I am lying in bed beside Bf. We are going to stick it out. I am going to stay here with him and Baby while I go to treatment for my eating disorder.


There are some rules, on both our parts. My commitment to Baby and Bf is that if I drink one more time or use ever again, we are done. There will be no more chances. As for the eating disorder, I think he may still be a little lost. But he is making a big effort to let me know how attractive he finds my new, 12-lbs-heavier body.

And I have asked him to keep Baby Momma the fuck away from me, particularly while I am in treatment. I believe my exact words were "If she does anything to fuck with my recovery, I will annihilate her." Or something cheerful like that.

And I mean it. I will lose my shit and fucking destroy her if she in any way tries to derail me while I am trying to get better. I cannot lose this time. I will not.

So, we're giving it one final go. I have two more days off till I start my first treatment program, and last night Bf and I spent the evening like a normal couple. Usually on a Saturday night I would be out taking my clothes off for money, but yesterday, I felt like what he terms "a normal girlfriend". I cleaned the house and did the laundry while he was at work; I brought him lunch; we got sushi for dinner and cuddled up in front of The Hangover, then around 11:30 - on a Saturday night - we went to bed, where we stayed up for another hour, exploring each other's body like it was our first time together again. It was the best day I have had in months.

I am concerned about the road ahead. Fuck, but I have a lot of expenses. I am willing to give up the Chrysler 300 and just keep my old 4x4, even though I smashed off the side view mirror in Red Deer two weeks ago and I still haven't been assed to fix the dug out keylock from when it is broken into in Deadmonton like 3 or 4 YEARS ago. In my defense, I didn't fix it because I just bought a new car instead. But I am going to look into that now.

Gigi offered me some work too, when I get out of treatment. It will be short term, but it will give me a bit of income until I find a real job.

And with that rather short update, I think I will put Mr. Reznor back on iPod instead of the laptop, and cuddle down with Bf and wait for him to wake up. With Moo snoring gently between us, it makes for a pretty awesome morning.

And thank you to everyone who wrote to me and called me with messages of love and support over this past week. I cannot believe that after all I have done, you can all still love me so much. But God, do I ever appreciate it.

I'll make you proud.

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